Long time no write!

Before I "blow off steam" I read This article, it ticked every single box and made me start to realize that I need to start being a stronger person and stop fighting this fight that I know I won't win.

It's been almost 2 years since my last post, I am sorry, but luckily not too many read my blog anyway. So as many of my friends and family know I quite frequently in my life have had to deal with a few narcissists. But much like anything, narcississts do not acknowledge that they are the problem starters. After the new year I had decided to stop letting people bully me and bring me down.  I used to use this blog to blow off steam about how I was feeling, until it angered someone, and then I was told to stop "feeling" and "blowing off steam". I can honestly say I've hit many, many low points in my life and when dealing with certain people makes you feel like you'd rather be other places, it's time to get a backbone and stand up for yourself. It won't ever be easy, and it will always be "my fault" but I'm tired. I'm tired of being told that I am always in the wrong. I'm tired of consoling my spouse because he doesn't know what he did wrong or why he was suddenly the worst human possible. I am tired of drama and Facebook blocking and tattle taling on me because you read something that hurt your feelings. I'm tired of people trying to use my words against me. I'm tired of people using their children as a pawn to get back at people and purposely making them cry.  Its a drain on my emotional resources. I have to remember at the end of the day the most important people to me are the ones who really love me. They would never say something to purposely hurt me or try to break me emotionally. They know who they are and I love them right back.

My backbone will get stronger each day I remind myself that you have no control over me, your words are empty and nothing you can do or say will affect me ever again.

Hey, Lisa, where are you, and what the eff are you doing....

So, I have not posted on this blog in a long time, almost a year! Yikes.  Life just up and got away from me.  For anyone who has ever read this blog, but isnt friends with me in real life, I will tell you a secret (thats not really a secret).
I became an aerobics instructor, which was WAY out of my element.  I had been Jazzercising for about a year and half, and my instructors where constantly asking me if I wanted to certify.  I would always answer with - Ha ha, no, not right now- and go on my merry way.  In February I finally got bugged enough to do a movement screening.  I got through, alright I thought - no big deal- no commitment, and just because I passed my screening doesnt mean I am fit to be an instructor.  Fast forward to March, the training sessions. My legs hurt, my feet hurt, my toes hurt, and I wondered why anyone thought I could do this.  I really dont know who in their right mind saw that I could do it.  I soldiered on.  April 11th, my judgement day.  What a nerve racking day.  I kept telling myself that I didnt care if I got the gig or not, but once I got there, I realised that I really did want to do it, and I would be so upset with myself if I failed (you can always try again, but I WANTED TO PASS).  I was nervous, and shaky, and decided to go first, get it out of the way.  My routines were Dance Apocalyptic and Im Alive (life sounds like), YESSSSSS they were ones I actually liked!  I finished my set, waited for the other trainies to finish and we waited for our results.  I was a bundle of nerves, but I passed.

My first solo class was the 27th of April and I wanted to throw up, all day, until I had to get up there, I taught and from that day on I was on my own.

Yikes!  Im still learning things as a newbie instructor (dont do a routine if you hate the song, just dont...), other routines become your favourite, and eventually you will get through class without being exhausted.
Ive started enjoying myself more and more, and my learning routines and putting sets together is getting easier as the days go on.  Sometimes I wish I had certified sooner, but at the end of the day, this is some of the hardest work Ive ever done (besides motherhood obv).  Next step, start eating better and work on my pushups!

where does the time go.

The last time I posted, I had just returned home from a trip to Canada. Well, I just got back from another trip to Canada. The cousins got to hang out and i was so happy to meet my newest neice, and get lots of snuggle time in. My friend Karen got married and it was awesome. Her and her hubby did a completely d.I.y wedding and it was awesome. She loves all things vintage so she managed to work that into her wedding. From the typewriter to leave"love notes" to the mason jars holding her locally sourced flowers (smart move) and the wooden tables with burlap table runners this wedding represented Karen and Dan to a T. I really regret not having my huge camera to take more pictures! As a bridesmaid I was completely nervous about my dress, our bride gave us the go ahead to choose our dress based off her colour scheme. Since I was nowhere near her to get her opinion on my dress of choice I was worried until the day she saw it. I was originally going to make mine but chickened out and bought it off Eshakti instead. It worked out though, all the bridesmaids went together without clashing.
After the wedding I spent the rest of my time kicking around Ontario with my hubby and the kids. We took them to Niagara falls for the night and had an awesome time. I took lots of pictures with my phone, because I know they will not remember it when they get older. While they had passed out shortly before the fireworks went off I got to enjoy them from our hotel room in my Pjs. I got in many visits with my friends and their Kiddo's. I think I saw a love connection between my son and my friend Karen's daughter, maybe we should start planning their wedding.... I kid I kid. I of course got in lots of fabric shopping, I should post my finds on my sewing blog... Soon. Last but not least I got some thrift store shopping in. I didn't score any duplos like last time, but it wasn't a total loss. I found some my little ponies for my kids and a couple of cute shirts for me. I wish I was a picture taker but alas I get so into the moment I forget that I have a camera in my pocket and miss out.
Well that's it for now, ta.

My trip to Canada

It's been quiet on my blog, which is not unusual around here, but there was actually a reason for it.  I was in Canada visiting friends and family!  I was lucky enough to be able to attend my friends Stag and Doe, and then the next weekend celebrate a very special little girls birthday (My neice turned one!).
 I also got in some small-ish shopping trips.  I was trying to find some books for my friends little girl, and my sister always says that kids don't need more toys, but you can never have enough books.  Well, books are expensive new, and I remembered something.  My friends is awesome, and loves vintage, she wouldn't mind if I headed to a thrift store (she would be proud) and found some books.  After I left the mall I headed to the Value Village across the street, and memories of highschool came flooding back to me.  I cannot believe I forgot how much I actually liked going to thrift stores.  Well, I found a lot of books, both for myself and for my friends daughter.  Then I head to the toy section, that was a bad idea, I found a New - My little Pony, and some Megablocks.  I kept the pony for my kids, and the blocks are staying at my moms house for every grandchild to enjoy.

It didn't end there, a few days later while visiting the same friends, we went to another Value Village, we bought more books, and I bought a few more toys for my kids.

Just when I thought it was safe, I stopped at ANOTHER Value Village while visiting my sister.  More books, more toys.

No I don't have a sickness, but it was highly addictive to walk into these stores, and not pay insane amounts of money for toys.  I would never get that kind of deal online, or even via Once upon a child (damn them and their markups).
I won't speak about the markups that thrift stores seem to have going on with clothing, but their toys and books with only $1 a piece, plus they had a buy 4 get one free there, so....score!

Anyway, I just wanted to share a bit of my haul, of some of the things I brought home

Those were some of my books, I ended up with 2 of the same books, with different covers, weird! The two disney books (beside the dora book at the top) were C's choice.  They were normally $15.00, but they were used, and $1 each.  He is a thrifter at heart that boy.  I found what I also hope were some good books for my friend, for her daughter, but alas no pictures of those.
In return, my super awesome friend bought me this (and also the 2 Disney Books that C found)

 YEAAAA.  I'm not sure how she found it, but it is awesome and covers my love of all things Alice in Wonderland.

It's hard to tell from this picture, but I also got quite a bit of Duplo while in Canada.  There were some Megablocks in the mix but the price was right and it was still better than buying new.
Also, I cleaned them up in the washing machine, but don't tell my husband :D

While some of the trip was stressful (travelling with my little ones by myself always unnerves me a little), it was awesome to see everyone.  I always had a huge pang of sadness hit me whenever I would have to walk out the door and leave.  I know I will see everyone again in August, but all of our babies are growing up, and not being able to just see them whenever I want really hurts.  You get used to your way of life, and when it changes it reminds you that life continues to go on, even when you aren't always there to see it.
I am looking forward to my next visit to see everyone, which I hope involves more visits with friends, and maybe some pre-wedding drinking with a few of my girls, before our lovely girl Karen gets married!

Tackling a budget!

When I was a single girl I never had a problem keeping control of my bills.  I tracked them online, opened the letters as soon as I received them and paid them on time (there were a few slips here and there, but I didn't make a habit of it).  I had complete control over everything, I knew my account numbers off the top of my head, and even though I was terrible at saving money, I made sure I took care of my bills. 
Since getting married and having kids, I have been slacking, hardcore.  I have been letting the hubby take care of all of this, and to be honest, it stressed me out.
I never knew the bank balance, still don't know ALL of our account information (scary I know) and had no idea what bills were paid and what ones weren't (so many damn LATE FEES).  The hubby finally asked me to start doing the budget and I agreed.  He joked that I was going to get to know all of our financial information and then leave him, but I assured him that it wasn't going to happen I just like knowing what's going on.
The reason I don't want to feel helpless is, I had an old co-worker whose husband took care of EVERYTHING!  Bills, car payments, even filling the car with gas.  As a 40 year old woman, she had no idea how to pump gas into her car.  We all expressed concern over this, but she assured us that it was nothing to worry about.  I really hope she knows what she is doing, or she is screwed!

I started doing the budgeting last week and am still getting used to it.  There are so many factors in America that I have to get used to, like -getting bills from the hospital or doctor-.  I never had to deal with that before so it's a little stressful, you never know when, or who you will be getting a bill from, and then you have to remember what you even got a treatment for.  We have great insurance, but I still dread opening those bills.. 

Then I had to start using a program.  Before I used Quicken (which I liked, and still do like to this day), but Hubby suggested I use YNAB (you need a budget).  I use it, but I am still not sure what it's purpose is, or if I'm even using it correctly.  I need to sign up for one of their webinars.

I'm hoping eventually I will have a complete handle on what each and every bill that comes in is for, as well as knowing how much we have coming in and going out.  For now, I am the keeper of receipts and bank balances, and I am becoming a hardass when we start talking about buying things (Hubby has to be the hardass when it comes to going out for dinner, I love going to restaurants....). 
Hubby has become obsessed with coupons, he watched a few couponing shows, and instead of making fun of the extreme couponers, now he gets tips and tricks from them.  He was so excited when he got dental floss for free because he had a coupon, I told him this was "the start of it all".  Maybe we will become as good as those people on the show, with the exception of buying stuff we don't need in mass quantities.

For now, a tip for all of you Ladies out there (single or not), get to know your bills, accounts, and start budgeting, you will be happy you did.

The Goop Shame

I was thinking about renaming my challenge, I haven't come up with a better name, but knowing that Gwenyth Paltrow is out there somewhere in the world, hawking her "GOOP" website, really makes me want to rename it so this blog somehow doesn't come up in search results for her crap....

Anyway, I took some pictures today, finally, to show everyone just how much crap I am working with.
The follow pictures are of all of the lotions of bodywashes (and some perfumes) that I could round up in the house, I know there are a few running loose but I haven't managed to find them yet.

The first picture shows you how much bodywash I have to use (I'm going to smell SOOOOO GOOD), it's on the left and there are 5 big bottles and 2 small sample bottles.

 The second pictures is from a different angle and shows you all the perfumes and lotions I have to go through (I will still smell SOOOOO good and my skin will be soooo soft, ha).  It's hard to tell but there are about 5 different perfume bottles in various stages of "empty-ness".  There are also about 10 various sized bottles of lotions, also in various stages of empty-ness.  I left my almost empty tube of Malibu heat, to show you my progress (also to show the ridiculous names).  It doesn't smell like the beach, or like any sort of temperature, it smells like straight up sugary goodness, so it's real name should say "Don't eat this".

 Just when you thought to yourself, ah, that's not so bad, there is more.  Thankfully this is all kids lotions, but chances are I'm still going to have to use it (hopefully on the kids, not me, can't stand the smell of that pink Johnson and Johnson stuff).  Not to mention there are 2 more tubes of Aveeno kicking around in the kids room.  Thankfully, there is 1 bottle left of baby wash, and that little red bottle in the bottom of the picture is the last of the body wash.

While I'm not particularily "shamed" by this pictures, I feel like it is a shame.  It's a shame that I have all these lotions and bodywashes and fantastic smelling smelly things when I don't need them.  It seems really wasteful to have such a huge quantity of stuff for 1 person.  I am hoping in 6 months time to take a new picture of near-empty cabinets, with only a few products kicking around.

Eshakti and Pic Monkey

Now before I go on with this blog post, I will say this, the opinions I am giving are my own, because frankly, this blog doesnt get a lot of traffic, and therefore no one wants me to "try out their stuff".  *sigh* Maybe someday I'll get free stuff like all the cool kids out there....

Anyway, I believe I heard about Eshakti via craftster.org (love that site, seriously great site for crafty people of all domains).  I clicked on the link, but I am always weary of these "buy clothes from a site you have never heard of".  Then again, they directed me towards Modcloth, and they are a legit website.
I stalked this website for close to a year, and in particular I started stalking a shirt.  I liked it for so many reasons, well one in particular

That neckline, ugh I LOVE IT!

 I checked out the results on google, and for the most part it gets great reviews (although about 2-3 years ago it did get some not so great reviews, it seems to have pulled itself around.) A bonus was most of the sewing blogs I follow raved about it, had ordered from it (or gotten some samples for their input), and some of those lovely ladies even had discount codes for money off.  I finally decided to take the plunge before it was too late and the top was gone.  Here is the top on me;

Voila, a top.

It might not look as great as it does on the mannequin (the arms are a little tight), but I did get a compliment on the day I wore it (success!!).  I'm not sure why I'm so excited to post about it, but if you are my friend Karen, you know that I have been bugging you about dresses from this website (sorry).  I want you to know that this website is legit, so if you order yourself something pretty from there, it will come to you.  The quality of the top was better than expected, it was quite a thick, sturdy cotton material.  I want to order a ton more stuff, but I will need to wait until another discount code comes up (they are a bit pricey for me). 
I didn't use the customisable options that they have, but that's another great feature people love.  You can shorter or lengthen dresses, or you can change sleeves as well for a few extra dollars.  So, there you go my friends (or hey, even a random blogger who may have stumbled on this site by accident).  This is not a paid endorsement, just a girl who likes to shop online, and stalk shirts.


Lastly- I was playing around on Pic Monkey, which is why my picture is on filter overload.  Once I get the hang of it, I will probably adjust a lot of my photos for both of my blogs on Pic Monkey (it's mostly free).  I'm always jealous of others blogs and the gorgeous photos they post.  I have no photography skills, and am usually the one who has to take my own photos for either blog so I need all the help I can get.