I have been neglecting both of my blogs lately, and I thought I might as well post something on here to pass the time while my hubby plays an F1 racing game (I spent the day playing Epic Mickey so I am just as guilty).
I should say that, this month has been pretty crazy, since Christmas, Clark has taken his first steps, and since then, you can't keep him down. He will still Crawl from time to time if he thinks it will get him to where he needs to be a little bit quicker, but he is now up and mobile. He seems to be following the same time-lines I had as a baby (I walked at nine months). He also seems to have gotten past his "making strange" phase, but that won't be for sure until I go home to visit and see if he gets angry when I run upstairs to get something.
Speaking of stairs, Boogs is also up those a lot as well, he doesn't understand how to go down, and I am trying to teach him, but I don't really know how to teach a baby such things.
Brushing his teeth is also something I am not sure how to do. He gets angry and throws his head around, it's never really clear if I have brushed them or not. Thankfully though, because of the brushing, I was able to notice that he has not just 1, but 2 teeth coming in at the same time. Suddenly all those nights where he woke me up angry, and refusing to go back to bed make sense.
We've had a few nights where we simply let him cry it out because nothing else we did was working, and so far *fingers crossed* he seems to understand that, when Mommy or Daddy lay him down in bed, if he sits up and starts to play, we are not coming back in to play.
The only other thing I have to update is that I am making a resolution to sew more this year, I'm not going to bother with the whole "lose weight" crap. I am just going to stick with eating better, drinking more water, and when the weather is nice, I will take Boogs outside to play, I have a wedding that I am going to be in, in March, but I am not going to stress out about losing weight to fit in the dress. I will however make sure that I don't have to get the dress "let out".
Alright, that about wraps it up, I have nothing clever to say at the moment, so I am going to enjoy the few hours of quiet we have between Boogs going to bed, and then us doing the same.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Friday, December 31, 2010
Bye -Bye 2010 (and good riddance)
I started out 2010 with so much to look forward to, new baby, moving to a different country, and getting away from my horrible boss.
All 3 of those things happened, but with all the positive comes negative I suppose....
Firstly, I started out by ringing in 2010 with my "date", aka my nephew Jackson. The year was looking promising and I was happen to be off work and going to visit my hubby for a few weeks before I came back to Canada to await the arrival of my son.
Everything was looking good, the Olympics were in Canada, so February had some good times as well.
That was until Feb 28th came around. A day I wish I could rewind and change everything. A day that lives in my memory everyday, and will until the day I die. I was a week away from the arrival of my son, but my sister was hours away from losing hers. I never would have expected something horrible to happen to anyone I knew (let alone my own family). I wouldn't WANT it to happen to anyone regardless if I knew them or not. Yet it happened, it was all a big blur, that drive to Belleville, 5 f***ing hours it took us to get there to be with her, when we arrived that's when we discovered what she wouldn't tell me on the phone during the car trip. Our beautiful Jackson had left us only an hour before.
I can't really go into great detail of how I felt, but saying that it felt like someone ripped my heart out was an understatement. Now all I could do was sit and cry, go to his funeral, all while my arms were aching to hold my own baby. Knowing that I had my own child on the way was the only reason I could keep going, because I HAD to. I had to eat, I had to sleep, continue on with my life because someone else needed me to take care of them soon. Knowing that I had joy coming into my life, while my sister had her child ripped away from her ate away at me. I felt angry, sad, and guilty about everything. My sister deserved a child more than anything. She loved him, took care of him and did everything a Mommy should do for her child. Seeing deadbeat parents still boils my blood to this day, they should have their kids taken away if they aren't going to be responsible.
March 7th came in such a blur, but yet I can remember it all so clearly. Contractions starting about 2 days prior (after the funeral), the Saturday night going into the hospital (I felt silly, like I shouldn't have been there, surely I wasn't in labour yet!) and by the next morning at 5:05am, I had my sweet baby. Holding him in my arms has never made me happier, he made it safely into this world, and now it was up to me to protect him from all the bad there is in the world.
2 months after Clarks arrival, we were ready for "the big move".
June 5th, was another devastating blow for me, but not as horrible as Feb 28th. My mom messages me to call her. I instantly feel my stomach drop and fear the worst, I was worried about my Sister, or her Boyfriend, or is it something to do with my Grandma? Thankfully it was none of those people, but it was something I loved dearly, taken away from me suddenly...again.
My beloved cat Bossy had been run over, I shed so many tears that day. I shed tears for the shitty year we were having, and guilty tears because I didn't bring Bossy down with me like I promised her I would. My mother did a nice job of having my cat cremated, and while some might find it a little bit crazy, I did keep my promise to her, and she now resides with me, just not in her bodily form. I miss her so much, and I would love to have a new cat, but right now just isn't the time for one. Besides, no cat will ever be as awesome as she was.
Now....
10 months on, and I still get teary at the mere thought of what Jackson might look like if he were here with us today. I want so badly for Clark and Jackson to interact with each other, play like cousins, climb on each other, fall on each other, bite one another and then both of them would cry for their mommies. My sister and I could laugh about it and how they might as well have been brothers. I could call her for advice because she had "been through it 4 months ago", and we would joke around about how we both had the cutest babies in the world.
We don't get to do that, but I am thankful to have a sister as wonderful as her, she loves Clark with everything she has in her. I know she looks at Clark and wonders if Jackson would have done those things, but it doesn't make her angry or resentful, just curious. Like I said, she is wonderful and Clark is very lucky to have an Auntie like her.
All 3 of those things happened, but with all the positive comes negative I suppose....
Firstly, I started out by ringing in 2010 with my "date", aka my nephew Jackson. The year was looking promising and I was happen to be off work and going to visit my hubby for a few weeks before I came back to Canada to await the arrival of my son.
Everything was looking good, the Olympics were in Canada, so February had some good times as well.
That was until Feb 28th came around. A day I wish I could rewind and change everything. A day that lives in my memory everyday, and will until the day I die. I was a week away from the arrival of my son, but my sister was hours away from losing hers. I never would have expected something horrible to happen to anyone I knew (let alone my own family). I wouldn't WANT it to happen to anyone regardless if I knew them or not. Yet it happened, it was all a big blur, that drive to Belleville, 5 f***ing hours it took us to get there to be with her, when we arrived that's when we discovered what she wouldn't tell me on the phone during the car trip. Our beautiful Jackson had left us only an hour before.
I can't really go into great detail of how I felt, but saying that it felt like someone ripped my heart out was an understatement. Now all I could do was sit and cry, go to his funeral, all while my arms were aching to hold my own baby. Knowing that I had my own child on the way was the only reason I could keep going, because I HAD to. I had to eat, I had to sleep, continue on with my life because someone else needed me to take care of them soon. Knowing that I had joy coming into my life, while my sister had her child ripped away from her ate away at me. I felt angry, sad, and guilty about everything. My sister deserved a child more than anything. She loved him, took care of him and did everything a Mommy should do for her child. Seeing deadbeat parents still boils my blood to this day, they should have their kids taken away if they aren't going to be responsible.
March 7th came in such a blur, but yet I can remember it all so clearly. Contractions starting about 2 days prior (after the funeral), the Saturday night going into the hospital (I felt silly, like I shouldn't have been there, surely I wasn't in labour yet!) and by the next morning at 5:05am, I had my sweet baby. Holding him in my arms has never made me happier, he made it safely into this world, and now it was up to me to protect him from all the bad there is in the world.
2 months after Clarks arrival, we were ready for "the big move".
June 5th, was another devastating blow for me, but not as horrible as Feb 28th. My mom messages me to call her. I instantly feel my stomach drop and fear the worst, I was worried about my Sister, or her Boyfriend, or is it something to do with my Grandma? Thankfully it was none of those people, but it was something I loved dearly, taken away from me suddenly...again.
My beloved cat Bossy had been run over, I shed so many tears that day. I shed tears for the shitty year we were having, and guilty tears because I didn't bring Bossy down with me like I promised her I would. My mother did a nice job of having my cat cremated, and while some might find it a little bit crazy, I did keep my promise to her, and she now resides with me, just not in her bodily form. I miss her so much, and I would love to have a new cat, but right now just isn't the time for one. Besides, no cat will ever be as awesome as she was.
Now....
10 months on, and I still get teary at the mere thought of what Jackson might look like if he were here with us today. I want so badly for Clark and Jackson to interact with each other, play like cousins, climb on each other, fall on each other, bite one another and then both of them would cry for their mommies. My sister and I could laugh about it and how they might as well have been brothers. I could call her for advice because she had "been through it 4 months ago", and we would joke around about how we both had the cutest babies in the world.
We don't get to do that, but I am thankful to have a sister as wonderful as her, she loves Clark with everything she has in her. I know she looks at Clark and wonders if Jackson would have done those things, but it doesn't make her angry or resentful, just curious. Like I said, she is wonderful and Clark is very lucky to have an Auntie like her.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
New Year, New Outlook?
Considering the year my family has had, I'm looking forward to this one ending so a new one can begin.
I've had the urge to start cleaning, and eventually start purging unwanted and unnecessary items. I don't fancy calling myself a "hoarder" because I'm not, I can part with items as they don't all hold significant value, but I do have a tendency to hold on to things for some stupid reason, and eventually I part with it . I have been going nuts in our new apartment though. Cleaning Boogs' room has almost been my release of anxiety when the rest of the house is trying to bring me to tears. I can clean his room, and tidy, while he plays without fear of him bringing something else into his room to clutter it up.
We just recently bought him a book case to house all the books he has received for Christmas (thank you everyone for not bogging me down with too many toys, although the ones he did receive were greatly appreciated). Since we set it up the other night I have been organizing, and re-organizing his shelves (because it doesn't matter where I put the books, he will pull them all off). I have had some "bracing myself for tears" moments as I dismantled his jumperoo, swing and bouncy chair because I've realized that A) He is no longer small enough to fit in them, and B) It's 3 less places I can put him. Then I came to the moment of "where the hell will I put all this stuff?". We bought some rubbermaid bins, and that took care of the swing and bouncy chair, but there was no room for the jumperoo. I had a lightbulb go off, and it took me 2 nights, but I finally emptied a spare rubbermaid bin and fit the jumperoo in it. Now I'm itching to have another baby now just so I can set it all back up because I miss hearing the sounds from all of them.
The garage was a whole other challenge. There are boxes and boxes of things that we haven't opened, or we've just stacked upon each other, and I started tackling them, and let me just say that - 3 bins full of fabric -I need to whittle those down before I can start buying stuff, clothing or fabric otherwise. I'm hoping that maybe this cleaning kick will keep me occupied for a while, and I can start purging stuff that I no longer feel "attached" to or that I was sent to Dallas with. I feel that sometimes guilt or something other feeling would be laid on me if I didn't take items, but now that I'm here, i can gladly donate things without fear of a guilt trip.
So here is to a new outlook in 2011, hoping that things turn around for everyone, and maybe I can get rid of the old, make room for the new, while keeping important things close to my heart.
I've had the urge to start cleaning, and eventually start purging unwanted and unnecessary items. I don't fancy calling myself a "hoarder" because I'm not, I can part with items as they don't all hold significant value, but I do have a tendency to hold on to things for some stupid reason, and eventually I part with it . I have been going nuts in our new apartment though. Cleaning Boogs' room has almost been my release of anxiety when the rest of the house is trying to bring me to tears. I can clean his room, and tidy, while he plays without fear of him bringing something else into his room to clutter it up.
We just recently bought him a book case to house all the books he has received for Christmas (thank you everyone for not bogging me down with too many toys, although the ones he did receive were greatly appreciated). Since we set it up the other night I have been organizing, and re-organizing his shelves (because it doesn't matter where I put the books, he will pull them all off). I have had some "bracing myself for tears" moments as I dismantled his jumperoo, swing and bouncy chair because I've realized that A) He is no longer small enough to fit in them, and B) It's 3 less places I can put him. Then I came to the moment of "where the hell will I put all this stuff?". We bought some rubbermaid bins, and that took care of the swing and bouncy chair, but there was no room for the jumperoo. I had a lightbulb go off, and it took me 2 nights, but I finally emptied a spare rubbermaid bin and fit the jumperoo in it. Now I'm itching to have another baby now just so I can set it all back up because I miss hearing the sounds from all of them.
The garage was a whole other challenge. There are boxes and boxes of things that we haven't opened, or we've just stacked upon each other, and I started tackling them, and let me just say that - 3 bins full of fabric -I need to whittle those down before I can start buying stuff, clothing or fabric otherwise. I'm hoping that maybe this cleaning kick will keep me occupied for a while, and I can start purging stuff that I no longer feel "attached" to or that I was sent to Dallas with. I feel that sometimes guilt or something other feeling would be laid on me if I didn't take items, but now that I'm here, i can gladly donate things without fear of a guilt trip.
So here is to a new outlook in 2011, hoping that things turn around for everyone, and maybe I can get rid of the old, make room for the new, while keeping important things close to my heart.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Almost time for a visit home....
After surviving a 2nd Thanksgiving (seriously, how can you go wrong with 2 Thanksgivings, that's twice the turkey!), I have a visit home to look forward to!
I'm hoping to get visits in with every one of my friends, as well as I can't wait to see my family!
They might be amazed at the progress that Boogs has made in the last 2 months. Shortly after our last visit he started moving forward, now he crawls full tilt, pulls himself up on everything and has 4 teeth (with more coming in). I will be so excited to showcase him to everyone, because really, he is now the star attraction, not me :). It will also give me some time to unwind before the holidays get hectic. I won't be able to spend Christmas with my family this year (which is hard, because this will be my first Christmas away from them).
I'm so excited to see my sister, we are going to go Wedding Dress shopping, this will just be a trial run, but I told her that I was sad that I won't get to be there when she finds "the dress". She'll be doing a lot of wedding planning without me there, I'm sure we will share a lot of phone calls/texts about how frustrating it all is, and how "Vegas would have been the better option". At the end of the day though, I can't wait until the day she gets married, her and I never were the "dreaming of the day we get married" type girls, we never really talked about our dream Weddings, and when push came to shove, I took the easy way out and went to Vegas. Either way, I am looking forward to the end of 2010, this year has had so many highs and lows, I have hope that 2011 will bring a lot of joy to my family. I will see all my canucks in a few days, I can't wait to see all of you, and have some delicious Tim Hortons.....
I'm hoping to get visits in with every one of my friends, as well as I can't wait to see my family!
They might be amazed at the progress that Boogs has made in the last 2 months. Shortly after our last visit he started moving forward, now he crawls full tilt, pulls himself up on everything and has 4 teeth (with more coming in). I will be so excited to showcase him to everyone, because really, he is now the star attraction, not me :). It will also give me some time to unwind before the holidays get hectic. I won't be able to spend Christmas with my family this year (which is hard, because this will be my first Christmas away from them).
I'm so excited to see my sister, we are going to go Wedding Dress shopping, this will just be a trial run, but I told her that I was sad that I won't get to be there when she finds "the dress". She'll be doing a lot of wedding planning without me there, I'm sure we will share a lot of phone calls/texts about how frustrating it all is, and how "Vegas would have been the better option". At the end of the day though, I can't wait until the day she gets married, her and I never were the "dreaming of the day we get married" type girls, we never really talked about our dream Weddings, and when push came to shove, I took the easy way out and went to Vegas. Either way, I am looking forward to the end of 2010, this year has had so many highs and lows, I have hope that 2011 will bring a lot of joy to my family. I will see all my canucks in a few days, I can't wait to see all of you, and have some delicious Tim Hortons.....
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Happy Birthday Jackson
Except that it's not happy, because you aren't here with us, and it sucks.
I never thought in a million years that you would not be here for your 1st birthday, because really, why would anyone think that you wouldn't be?
I have such a heavy heart whenever I think about you and how you left us too soon, and the thought of your sweet little face not being with us on this earth anymore brings me to tears.
I often think "everyone else has their nephews, why don't I have mine". If I knew that Clark would grow up happy and healthy with just one parent, I would gladly trade my life to have you back with us on earth. You made your Mommy and Daddy so happy, when you left, so many things changed. I look at your pictures on a daily basis, and think to myself "why did this have to happen to you, why does this have to happen to anyone?". Every big occasion we've had without you has been filled with mixed emotions, we are all together, trying to act happy knowing that deep down you are missing.
It rained all day today, just down poured, I think it was just a reminder that today isn't a happy day, it never will be anymore. We had one good November 2, and that was in 2009 when you were born Jackson. Now that you are gone, it's a day of remembrance, we remember that we were happy once, that was when you were here on earth.
I miss you so much my little buddy, I send you my love everyday and I appreciate when you come to me in my dreams.
Love you forever
Auntie Lisa
I never thought in a million years that you would not be here for your 1st birthday, because really, why would anyone think that you wouldn't be?
I have such a heavy heart whenever I think about you and how you left us too soon, and the thought of your sweet little face not being with us on this earth anymore brings me to tears.
I often think "everyone else has their nephews, why don't I have mine". If I knew that Clark would grow up happy and healthy with just one parent, I would gladly trade my life to have you back with us on earth. You made your Mommy and Daddy so happy, when you left, so many things changed. I look at your pictures on a daily basis, and think to myself "why did this have to happen to you, why does this have to happen to anyone?". Every big occasion we've had without you has been filled with mixed emotions, we are all together, trying to act happy knowing that deep down you are missing.
It rained all day today, just down poured, I think it was just a reminder that today isn't a happy day, it never will be anymore. We had one good November 2, and that was in 2009 when you were born Jackson. Now that you are gone, it's a day of remembrance, we remember that we were happy once, that was when you were here on earth.
I miss you so much my little buddy, I send you my love everyday and I appreciate when you come to me in my dreams.
Love you forever
Auntie Lisa
Monday, October 18, 2010
7 months, wow!
Now I am a few days late on this post (11 to be exact), but C is now 7 months old, I am constantly amazed by how much children learn and do each month, they have a little help from the people around them, but for the most part they start teaching themselves things. When I started doing tummy time with C he would scream and freak out, then around the 4-5 month mark, he was rolly polly tummy to back, back to tummy, without any trouble.
Around the 6 month mark he was able to have someone sit him up, and push himself back, he would get up on his hands and knees, but no forward motion.
After our trip to Canada, he did a quick forward motion towards my sister, which was his first successful launch. Then I sat on the ground and coaxed him to come forward towards me, now he is up, and going forward, and can get himself up to sitting position. As for the teeth, he is finally getting a tooth, he has been cutting these teeth for some time now, I can't wait to see that 1 tooth smile, for now he bites and I can feel it, but it's not out yet.
Here's to hoping it comes soon, because these 2 am wake ups aren't the best, but I don't mind.
Around the 6 month mark he was able to have someone sit him up, and push himself back, he would get up on his hands and knees, but no forward motion.
After our trip to Canada, he did a quick forward motion towards my sister, which was his first successful launch. Then I sat on the ground and coaxed him to come forward towards me, now he is up, and going forward, and can get himself up to sitting position. As for the teeth, he is finally getting a tooth, he has been cutting these teeth for some time now, I can't wait to see that 1 tooth smile, for now he bites and I can feel it, but it's not out yet.
Here's to hoping it comes soon, because these 2 am wake ups aren't the best, but I don't mind.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
life changes....
So I was thinking to myself recently "wow, it's been 5 years since I was left alone in Ireland by those girls who were supposed to be my friends". I firstly can't believe 5 years have gone by this quickly. When it all first happened, I felt like my life was over, and I was hoping I could regain their trust and their friendship and they would forgive me for a mistake I made.
Little did I know that 5 years later, my life was a lot better off without them. When everything went down, I felt sad, angry, awful and didn't know what I would do without these "friends" in my life. I wanted so badly to reverse everything that I did just to have them back in my life. I started to realize afterwards that no matter how bad what I did was though, that they had no right to leave me alone in Ireland the way they did.
Here is why I am happy by the actions that they took.
I learned that being by myself isn't always that bad. While I was ditched in Ireland, I met an awesome girl named Amanda, we made a friendship, and we keep in touch. We haven't hung out since then, but she lives in California, so who knows, maybe someday? I re-established a solid friendship with my friend Karen. We started hanging out more, and she (as well as her sister) became some of my best friends. I've gotten to see their relationships flourish, as well as be a part in big events in their lives.
I traveled to Europe more often on my own after that. I made an awesome friend from South Africa who I traveled with back to Ireland, and someday maybe I will be able to visit her in South Africa.
Then here is the big one, I managed to meet my husband while on one of my overseas trip.
Had I still been friends with them, I may have never taken that trip to Oktoberfest, I may have never met him in that Hostel in London and my life would not be what it is today.
So maybe I should thank them for treating me as badly as they did on that trip.
So here it goes....Thanks to you 3 ladies I now have;
Friendships with so many amazing people, and I worked at it, I know not to abuse the friendship, and I truly care for all of the friends I have.
I have a husband who I love, and may have not met had it not been for you.
And last but not least, I have a wonderful son, I wouldn't have him had things been different, so I wouldn't change what I did for anything in the world.
If we had all stayed friends, I may not have all of these things, so thank you for giving up on me the way you did, because I learned a big lesson from this, and now I have so much more to be thankful for.
Little did I know that 5 years later, my life was a lot better off without them. When everything went down, I felt sad, angry, awful and didn't know what I would do without these "friends" in my life. I wanted so badly to reverse everything that I did just to have them back in my life. I started to realize afterwards that no matter how bad what I did was though, that they had no right to leave me alone in Ireland the way they did.
Here is why I am happy by the actions that they took.
I learned that being by myself isn't always that bad. While I was ditched in Ireland, I met an awesome girl named Amanda, we made a friendship, and we keep in touch. We haven't hung out since then, but she lives in California, so who knows, maybe someday? I re-established a solid friendship with my friend Karen. We started hanging out more, and she (as well as her sister) became some of my best friends. I've gotten to see their relationships flourish, as well as be a part in big events in their lives.
I traveled to Europe more often on my own after that. I made an awesome friend from South Africa who I traveled with back to Ireland, and someday maybe I will be able to visit her in South Africa.
Then here is the big one, I managed to meet my husband while on one of my overseas trip.
Had I still been friends with them, I may have never taken that trip to Oktoberfest, I may have never met him in that Hostel in London and my life would not be what it is today.
So maybe I should thank them for treating me as badly as they did on that trip.
So here it goes....Thanks to you 3 ladies I now have;
Friendships with so many amazing people, and I worked at it, I know not to abuse the friendship, and I truly care for all of the friends I have.
I have a husband who I love, and may have not met had it not been for you.
And last but not least, I have a wonderful son, I wouldn't have him had things been different, so I wouldn't change what I did for anything in the world.
If we had all stayed friends, I may not have all of these things, so thank you for giving up on me the way you did, because I learned a big lesson from this, and now I have so much more to be thankful for.
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