Saturday, August 7, 2010

5 months

C is 5 months old today, and officially cutting at least 2 teeth from what I have seen. He is so miserable, I wish I could take the teething pain for him, but instead I'm dealing with a dull ache in my left shoulder that is making me want to vomit a little bit.
The last time I had an ache like this is around the time C was 2 months old, it's really frustrating, but I can get him calm, but then the shoulder starts to bother me, and I have to shift him a little bit, and that makes him angry. I just want it to stop so I can focus on keeping C calm from the teething pain. He also ran a fever today, and vomited quite a bit this morning. The vomit always scares me, because you never know what it means. Did i over feed him? Is he sick? Was it because his diaper was poopy and I should have changed it first before feeding him? All very valid questions. Now I am going to be eyeing on him and making sure he's feverish because of the teeth and not because he's sick.
I might seem to some people like I'm over reacting, but because of Jacksons death, I am going to over react and be protective of him.
Speaking of Jackson, it's been a little over 5 long months since he's been gone. It's such a short time, but it seems like a life time ago since I last saw him. Saw his beautiful blue eyes, and heard him cooing. Now I have my own little guy, with his own little blue eyes, and he is giggling and I think to myself "why can't we have Jackson too". There are too many babies taken in the world too soon, and he was one of them. I want nothing more than my sister to be able to take happiness in the fact that both of our children are growing up and doing all the things they should be doing. Instead she wants to be happy for me, but it's hard for her to watch videos of C, knowing that Jackson was so close to that point, but he never got the chance to do what he's doing. I sometimes find myself in mid sob, because I realize how much I miss him, and how long it has been.
I miss you buddy XOXO.

No comments:

Post a Comment