180, Long time no write...

I finally hit my 180, I'm not even really sure if I hit it or if the scale was playing its usual tricks (it can fluctuate if I step on it twice in a row, um wtf?).  I'm gearing up for the holidays, but I'm also trying to be a good girl and eat well!!!  I tried Jazzercise last saturday (I didn't do it this past saturday as I've been feeling sick and crummy).  People laugh when I tell them, but it is hard in it's own right, straight up dancing for 45 minutes, it's not easy!  I'm also debating between joining the community centre gym or trying out this other kickboxing gym my coach recommended.  I looked it up online and it feels really intimidating to be trying a new gym after feeling safe for the last year.
I also am toying with the idea of just buying Groupons for classes for the next year, getting myself a cheap deal and trying something new from month to month.  I love k.boxing, but I want to try other things to see if there are other workouts that I love as much as that.  Plus I think my body is getting too used to the same routine and might enjoy something different day to day.

For now, I'm just getting pumped for Christmas.  I love everything about this time of year, people just seem to be friendly and happier all round.  I love the *pop* music and the movies (Nation Lampoon anybody?) that go with it.  So far I have been rocking out to the Waitresses - Christmas wrapping, Stevie Wonder - What Christmas means to me and Wham - Last Christmas, some of my favourite holiday classics.  Currently we are watching Christmas Vacation, always my favourite Holiday Movie, and we watched Elf the other day....ah if only it were appropriate to watch and listen to Christmas things all year long.....

Now, it may be early but I'm going to start thinking about my New Years resolution, maybe next year it will be a continuation eating healthier and working out. I might even try visiting a Nutritionist to get some better ideas of what to eat, and what not to eat. I'm also going to try and start sewing more (I've been neglecting my sewing blog, BAD GIRL!!!!).

So fellow friends and readers, what are you doing for the holiday, and what are your resolutions?

181.

*sigh*.  I'm getting really frustrated with my progress lately.  Just when I think I have a handle on my eating habits, things get thrown out of whack.  This week has been my inability to go and work out.  It's not that I haven't been motivated, it's that my gym was closed on Monday, and it was a busy day.  Tuesday my husband had an epilepsy support group and then I ended up taking Gemma to an after hours pediatric care facility and found out she has croup.  Today I was so exhausted from running around last night that I just napped.  I'm happy that I at least lost a little weight last week, but I will have to wait and see what Sunday brings.  I will just need to be conscious of what I am eating this thanksgiving and keep myself on track until I can get myself to a gym!

182

It's been too long since I updated this blog with my progress.  I've been gaining/losing/gaining and then losing again.  I've been struggling with the weight loss since "losing" my extra 14 points and I'm slowly getting the hang of a lot less points during the day.  I also found out my gym will be closing its doors permanently at the end of the year, so I'm stuck trying to find a new gym.  I want to find a new kickboxing gym, but I'm torn about just joining the community gym down the street as it would be a lot easier to go there anytime I want and not be stuck doing just one class at one specific time during the day.

I also bought a groupon for Jazzercise so my friend and I can do that for a few classes to see if it's something I'd like to keep doing.

I might try it next week since my gym is supposed to be closed next week and these classes are drop in classes.  This should be interesting......

185

I will be the first to admit that I have zero self control. When the month of October rolls around I always associate it with turkey, cake and candy. Now that there are 2 October birthdays in our house that just intensifies it.  After spending an awesome week in Canada, and having bad food that whole week, I managed to only gain a pound.  The week at home was almost like a recovery and detox from the junk food.  Then Saturday rolled around and we threw Ms.Baby another party, complete with delicious cupcakes and smash cake.  On top of that there was fruit, with caramel dip, cheese, bread and crackers.  I was so bloated after I knew Sundays weigh in would be brutal.  When I saw 185 I felt a little sad inside, but I'm trying hard to make up for it this week.  I also just had my ass handed to me when I realised that because I am weaning I am losing 14 extra points in one shot.  Kinda brutal but I just need to make some adjustments from this point on.  As for the upcoming Halloween candy I think we are going to buy some fruit snacks to handout, that way if no one shows up we won't be stuck with all that candy leftover.

Home again!

It's hard to believe that I was in my home and native land a week ago.  We flew in on the 6th of October and came back to Dallas on the 14th.  If I can speak truthfully, it wasn't a long enough trip.  I got in so many visits but they weren't long enough.  We stayed over night at my friend Karen and Dans, and spent the day/night hanging out, catching up and watching my son, and our girls play (like twins those 2).  The next day we drove to my parents house and spent the rest of the week there.  I finally got the haircut I have been talking about, and I have yet to post the pictures I promise (so sorry).  I forgot how much I loved having my haircut short.  I loved having my sister at the house, and finally got to meet my neice (I could eat her up she was so cute! and the hair!).  She was so sweet and snuggly I was sad when my sister took off a day early because the baby got sick.
We took C and G to the animal farm, it was so much fun, we went back the next day, but it was far too rainy to stay for any long period of time. 
On the following Saturday we headed back to Hamilton and I got to visit with a former co-worker and meet her daughter (so many babies have been born since I've been out of the country).  When I headed back to my friends house, I discovered that my husband is really good at keeping secrets.
I was entering the house when I discovered that my friends and family were there to surprise me.  I was a bit overwhelmed when I saw all of the faces that I know and love in one spot.  I got teary eyed as I hugged them, because frankly, I wasn't expecting it.  Like all good parties eventually everyone had to leave, which sucked big time, but people can't stay and party all night just because I want them too. 
We had an early flight out from Buffalo sunday morning, and I still haven't caught up on laundry and sleep.  My body is here in Texas, but at the moment my head is still in Ontario, I may have been able to catch up with everyone, but it made me miss every single one of them that much more.

I look forward to next year, one of my besties is getting married, and I get to be there for it!  I might try and brave travelling alone with 2 babies to spend a few extra weeks with everyone.

182.

I am happy to say I lost weight again this week! Trying to carefully to document everything I eat (because sometimes I forget to) and hoping that solves the non weight loss I keep experiencing.  I'm looking forward to the next week, i get to see family and friends that I haven't seen for about 10 months! In that time my friends daughter (who is 2 weeks younger than Jebby) has gone and grown up, I cannot wait for them to hang out.  My niece was born and I have only heard her talking over the phone, as well as seeing pictures of her cute face.  I am going to steal some kisses from that little girl! I can't believe how fast time flies, my friend who I saw last Christmas now has a 14 month old, and also has twins due in march! A former co-worker/friend has a 4 month old baby girl and one of my friends has a 3 year old (wasn't he a baby like, yesterday?).  I'm hoping to see all of my friends, and all of their children.

I'm also excited for turkey days! There is something awesome about knowing that I get to have 2 thanksgiving dinners this year, and both families get to celebrate them.  There is never any in-family fights about where you will spend thanksgiving each year because Canada has theirs early October and America has theirs in the end of November.

I get to have my 30th birthday and Gems 1st with my family (which also means, CAKE!), last but not least, I get my long awaited hair cut, I'm looking forward to getting this load of hair off of me.

There is so much I'm looking forward to that I feel like this week might drag.

183 (oh hey sorry for the absence)

So I have been slacking on my personal blog lately, pure laziness on my part.  Andy had gone away on business from Sunday to Tuesday so it was just me and the babies, I spent most of my days trying to entertain them and then most nights cleaning, and organizing.  I made Andy swear to me that he wouldn't let the house fall into disrepair (just kidding, it's not in disrepair its just messy) again.  I want to become a more organized person, and while I don't care if my house is pinterest perfect, I would at least like it not to look like a laundry/toy monster came and barfed all over my living room.  I also realise (after many conversations with my sister) that I need less "stuff".  All my weight loss goals have been hard, but they have also made me realise that maybe sometimes it's not just weight that needs to be dealt with. I need to sort through all the clutter in the house and get rid of what I don't need.  It seems like its getting easier to do this as I get older and I really hope that someday I can shake this monkey in my back (what's the monkeys name you ask? Oh his name is "keep this you might need it someday").  Both her and I are trying hard to part with items we were always told meant something, but to us they never did.  If something means so much to one person but means nothing to someone else, then it's not fair to ask them to hold on to something they will never want or use.  There is someone out there who may want it so let them get the chance to enjoy it.  I don't want to keep feeling like the character from the labyrinth who carries all of her possessions/garbage on her back, so slowly but surely my resolution for the rest of this year, and the rest of the next year is to try and start parting with items that have no meaning or value to me.  Whether it be clothes that no longer fit, books I will never read again, useless knick knacks, and personal items that were told to have sentimental value to me (but don't), they need to go.

Now that Ive gotten that off my chest, my other news is, I finally got past the 184 barrier, and while it was only 1 pound lost, it was still great to see that number on the scale on Sunday! Virtually all of my old clothes fit again, and what doesn't fit soon will.  I'm still trying my wedding and engagement rings on every week.  Each week they get closer and closer to fitting again, I can't wait until I can get them back on my fingers, it will be like getting married all over again!

I cannot wait for that day, and soon it will be my birthday and Gems 1st birthday AND Thanksgiving!!!

184

I missed last weeks post, but surprise surprise it was still 186, I wasn't able to weigh myself on Sunday as we were heading back home from Temple, so I did it this morning and came in at 184.
I feel excited but also frustrated with myself that it takes me a few weeks to lose 2 pounds.  If I  stuck to my weight watchers and didn't go over my points every week this wouldn't be the case but my lack of will power is terrible.  In a month or so I will stop breastfeeding "Jebby" so that will drop my points down by 14, that will become a huge adjustment.  I think I need to show Andy exactly how my weight watchers works, he understands the concept and knows it works on points, but I don't think he quite understands that "tacos, or hot dogs, or lasagna" for dinner is an absolute points massacre.  I know they are easy and convenient, but to me it puts a big red X on my weight loss goals.  Maybe that will be my new goal "teach my hubby the Dos' and Dont's of weight watchers".  It's not his fault he doesn't know these things, I generally don't indulge him with the boring facts of weight loss.  He doesn't need to join me on weight watchers but I do need him to walk through it with me and understand why sometimes I freak out over food decisions and why sometimes I want to meal plan more than just "throw together easy meals".

So that's what I will do.

On the positive note, the weather cooled off for a day and I Slipped on my jeans that I've never been able to wear. Guess what? no more muffin top! They fit and are slightly loose, yay!

Until Sunday I will cross my fingers for some sort of breakthrough weight loss.

186

Seriously, I am lacking on my updates, after posting my weight loss photos I thought to myself, "how do I follow up to that?".  I guess there isn't anything that I can say or do to top that, but I can continue on my journey and keep everyone updated.  It has been birthday party and baby shower central for the past month of August. Every weekend guarantees that I will be eating cake and other bad food so I've been careful not to go too nuts because I know each weekend I will get a treat (yay)!.  I've been so tired lately, Baby girl is teething and sleeping horribly, yesterday I had to drop both babies off at playcare just to get a nap in.  I couldn't function, which is highly unusual as I can make a pass even on my worst of days.  A long weekend is coming up here so I am hoping to get some stuff around the house done.  I am looking forward to September being over, but only because I am so excited for October!

Wanna See a 50 pound weight loss ;)

Before

Wait no longer, here it is!!!

After (but still a work in progress)

187

I just realised that today is Thursday and I still had not blogged about my weight loss, I also realised that I have yet to take my 50 pound picture!!! I will try and see if I can get one tommorrow, I usually ask Andy, but because he gets impatient I will just do it myself and take as many as I need too.  It's a great milestone to hit as I had felt in the beggining that I would never get there.  I've never felt like quitting, but when I saw the big picture, 50 pounds was a lot to take in and felt like it would take forever to lose.

I heard the old saying is "during pregnancy it takes you twice as long to take it off as it does to put it on".  I guess I just whooped that saying in the ass, I didn't gain as much in my 2nd pregnancy as I did in my first, because I already knew that a 60+ weight gain was too much the first time around, so I was a bit more cautious.  I also knew that once my 6 week appointment was over I would find a good kickboxing gym and start up again.  The coach there is always commenting that he needs the weight loss pictures so he can show them to people and I really need to light a fire under my butt as well.  I want people who go to that gym to see that "yes it is possible and yes I am a real person who comes here".

So, I can't give any promises, but I would like to have my pictures up for you wonderful readers tomorrow (especially since if I didn't you would have to wait until October when you see me :D)

188 (still)

No change from last weeks kick ass weight loss.  Well technically I lost .6 pounds, but since I just go and round everything up I don't count it on my blog.  I wasn't really expecting to lose too much weight this week since the week prior to that I lose 4 pound.  I'm still quite happy with even getting to 188!  I was getting ready to send stuff off to the goodwill, but Andy mentioned that there will be a community garage sale in September, so if we sign up I am thinking of selling some of my clothes that are in good condition, I will send the rest off as well as anything that doesn't sell at the garage sale.
 I am hoping this week to have a bit more success since I am being careful.  There seems to be a party going on each weekend in August, whether it be Birthdays (cakes, cupcakes, desserts) or Baby Showers (um, cakes, cupcakes, desserts) I have to be very careful.  It feels like Saturday is always my make or break day because I have to weigh myself the next day so when I wake up Sunday morning and I know I've been eating sweets the day before I'm a little hesitant to weigh myself.

Also, what was I thinking starting this program on a Sunday, d'oh!  Anyway I am just trying to focus on doing some good this week, and counting down the days until I go home for some Thanksgiving Turkey, less than 2 months away, I can taste the delicious Tim Hortons tea as we speak (it's doesn't taste the same when I make it).  I am going to make sure to have some Harveys while I'm home too, and go shopping at Rickis, and Fabricland and any other Canadian store I don't get to frequent anymore......  Dammit October, GET HERE FASTER (except the part where I turn 30, you stay away).

I will make 2 exceptions for my food intake while I'm there, and then I will need to make sure I crack the whip on myself after that, no need to gain all 50 pounds back in one week (maybe I should make a meal plan to stick to the fridge at my moms house?)

188 Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

That's all I would have posted, but I figured that wouldn't be much of a blog post.  I weighed myself this morning, which is probably why I got 188 and not 190, but either way, I finally beat the 193 curse!  My weight watchers app said "Hey, you fucking rock! set a new goal".  Okay it didn't say that, but it did tell me to set a new goal.  I set something a little more realistic this time and said 178.  10 pounds is an easier goal than going from the 210-190 goal that I set so many months ago.  A few more pairs of my old capris fit, so that means the "saggy butt" I am experiencing with my current pair is almost over.  My wedding and engagement rings are still tight and not fitting (and one almost got stuck, um that was scary getting it off my finger!)  I am just so excited to have hit (what I think was) my pre-baby weight...give or take a few pounds.  I can tell there are so differences from how my body was pre-babies vs post babies, it isn't shaped the way it used to be (any other mommies experiencing this? Either way I am so happy, and maybe when I hit that 50 pound weight loss I will post pictures (I actually took photos of my BEFORE, I didn't want to forget how hard I worked to get here).  For friends and family who read my blog, I will spare you the "bra" pictures and just post me in my tank top and work out pants.  That photo will hopefully come within the next few weeks as my overall loss has been 47 pounds.

Until then....
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

193 grrrrrrrr

So I haven't posted in a while, mostly just out of pure frustration.   I have hit a wall, again.  It's like sitting at 203 all over again.  I think next week will be different.  There doesn't seem to be anything crazy going on in the horizon, and I am just sticking to eating the meals that I put in front of me.  Last week Andy went away for 2 days, so I made sure I made lots of freezer friendly food so I could weather the storm.  For all the silly things I say about my Looneyspoons/Eat Shrink and Be Merry cookbooks, I really do love them.  I made the "Better Butter Chicken" from their book, and let me tell you I could eat the hell out of that recipe!  My life was missing something special, and I realised it was Indian Food.  I can't handle spicey food, but if someone makes me a mild curry I'm usually game.  As well as the B.B.C I made a White Chili *with chicken* and a Lemon Dill Chicken recipe.  I know it seems like I eat a lot of chicken.  Well I do actually eat a lot of chicken.  It's lower in fat than red meat, and like Turkey, it can sometimes take on the flavour you are trying to get with red meat (think Tacos or Chili).  Andy didn't want to make anything this week, which bummed me out and sort of put me in a bad mood.  I know that their meals require a lot of prep work, but I love their food, and most of the time, when portioned correctly, I eat one of their meals and still have points left for dessert.

I think next weekend I will come with a list of demands (aka recipes) and I will cook some more of their food and store it in the freezer. 
Either way, if I can keep going on the right path, then I think I can hit my target soon.  Just need to have no more slip ups, less night outs and more work outs.

Until Sunday.......we wait.

193

Sorry about being MIA last week.  It was a friggin hectic week, we had the 4th of July which meant that mid week we had a day off (yay)!.  I stilled weighed 195 so I also wasnt too bothered to write about maintaining my weight.  This week was a loss, and I'm 3 pounds away from 190, yay!!!!  I'm super pumped, I've also been finding more time to sew, so a lot of my clothes that have gone into the donate pile have been rescued and are now just being taken in.  It's a temporary measure until I can start an actual sewing project from scratch, but it's wonderful to even be able to have some sewing time.

Maybe if I try really hard I will hit my goal of 190, but I'm not going to try and get sick about losing 3 pounds in a week.

194 or 195ish

So I lost weight this week, maybe?  I wasn't exactly near a scale from Thursday-Tuesday so I couldn't weigh in on Sunday morning.  We had spent the weekend in Galveston, relaxing, eating, drinking, you know how it goes.  I was fearful that the scale was going to yell at me and call me a horrible person, but when I got home tuesday night it said 195, and then this morning it said 194.4, and then tonight 195 again.  So I guess I am in that 'range', which isn't bad, I was happy I didn't go to nuts while out on vacation.  I did go overboard a little on food, but not in excess of what I could have eaten.

Now I am looking forward to getting back on track, and hopefully by Sunday I will have leveled out, and I can continue on.

195

Ooops, I realised I never did post my blog from last week, I started typing it, and then had to stop (probably baby related).  I weighed in last week at 197 (hooray).  So I was super pumped all week, and trying hard not to weigh myself because I wanted to make sure I was surprised.  I did cheat a few times and checked the scale, but not nearly as often as I used to.
This week I weighed myself and it was 195, I was so happy, it means that I am 5 pounds off from my pre-Clark weight! (give or take a few pounds).  I wish I knew exactly how much I weighed before having him, but either way I know I am not far off.  We had a really good week this past week, we ate out from one restaurant-and it wasnt even the fast food type!  Normally we get fast food 3-5 times a week, its a bad habit that we are both trying to break free from and the past week was proof that it isnt impossible to stay at home and cook.  It also helps that we bought a new charcoal grill and Andy loves to grill food.  Last sunday we also took a trip downtown to the farmers market and we went nuts on the fruits and veggies.  We managed to make Kebabs sunday night with some of the veggies we had bought.  Then we grilled some corn and dinner was good to go. 
I am looking forward to this week and I cannot wait to see what the number will be next week, looks like I will be setting new goals soon!

199

Booooooyah. I finally FINALLY hit my 199 mark after complaining about it for the last month. I stepped on the scale and it read 199.0 I did it a few times just to make sure. And after the week I had been having I thought for sure there would be no weight lost. My gym was closd on Monday, I tried to do p90x yoga on Tuesday, but miss baby didn't want to go to sleep. Wednesday the gym was closed for a family emergency and I finally got my workout on Thursday. Friday there are no classes and I don't go on Saturdays anymore unless my inlaws are visiting, so Andy is alone all morning with the babes. We went to the movies last night but I ordered grilled chicken fingers and veggies since I didn't want to go too nuts. Either way I'm super pumped as I'm only 10 pounds away from my pre Clark weight. Once Ive hit 190 then I will start setting new weight loss/toning up goals. I never thought that 6 months ago I would finally be at my pre baby weight and I get so pumped thinking about hitting that goal that I just need to stayed focused. Thank you to all my family and friends that have been reading up on my weekly progress. It keeps me motivated, and knowing that you are all working on your own goals keeps my head up on my bad days.

My outing with the babies

Today started out like every other day, I wake up, eat my breakfast and as I am enjoying my tea I stop to think about "what to do?" with the kids.
Andys suggestion is always "take the kids to the park", for some reason whenever that sentence leaves his mouth I get instantly tired.  I'm not sure what it is about going to the park that just exhausts me, but I start thinking to myself about how I have to

• dress the kids
• bring snacks
• sunscreen the kids
• find hats
• find shoes
• bring water

The list for the park is always ongoing and I think what stalls me out is the sunscreen portion for the kids.  I have to do everything else on the list when I take them to the mall *except hats and sunscreen*, but for some reason lotioning them both up irritates me.  I don't want them to get a sunburn, so I put it on, and it doesn't take long, but I just get frustrated, i wish there was a shower of sunscreen that could hit us each time we decide to go out to play.

Anyway moving on.....
I thought to myself that I would bring the kids to a different mall experience, so I drove 20 minutes to the grapevine mall and visited Legoland.  I wish Andy had been there, it was fun, but it is also something that requires 2 adults.  There are rides there that C could have gone on, but G wasn't allowed to sit on my lap so it was a no go.  He enjoyed himself either way though.  He didn't even put Lego in his mouth, not even once!  There was a slight meltdown when we went into Miniland, the train wasn't working so, no matter how hard C pushed that button, it wasn't going to go anywhere.  I had to carry him out, but he didn't kick or scream and didn't bolt back in there once we had left.  I wanted to buy him a bunch of duplo blocks in the store but used my better judgement.  I can't buy him everything, because as much as I would love to spoil him and G rotten they will start to expect it, and once you get in that routine, forget about trying to tell them No!  Also, I hate making buying descisions with Andy being there, he is the only one working, so I don't want to spend money like that without consulting him first.

After we left Legoland we went for Lunch.  I've always wanted to do a lunch date with the kids, without daddy.  I have always been afraid because frankly, Andy and I work best in a team, and if one kid has a meltdown there is another parent there to help out.  I decided to just try it, because the worst that can happen is, the children both start crying in unison, causing me to be embarrassed and potentially cry myself out of the restaurant.
I might have had my blockers on, but I really feel like both kids behaved the whole time.  C was up and down a few times in his chair, picking up forks and crayons off the floor, but he listened to me.  He didn't scream and didn't throw things and was generally the sweet boy that I know and love.  G had a few moments being a fussy pants, but I solved that problem by feeding her. When she was done eating I gave her a spoon to play with until the bill was paid and we could leave.
I couldn't fully enjoy myself because of the anxiety I felt of "what if they both freak out", and I just didn't realize how lucky I was until after the meal was finished.  The way they both behaved today has given me hope that outings will be a little less stressful, and maybe I can start to enjoy carting around my 2 babies, without that constant fear of "what's going to happen next...".

I am going to try going to a cry baby matinee with a friend, I know that will probably be a little less stressful because I will have a friend there, and there will be other screaming babies.

If ever I feel overwhelmed again by the way my kids are behaving I just need to look back at this post and remember that yes, they do have good days.

The Ins and outs of Toddler life

Since Clark has become a Toddler (I feel like he became a Toddler once he got those molars at about 15 months) I have become fasinated by him.  I mean he has always been fun to watch as he grows but there is something that is so fun about this age that he is in now.  I see Gemma growing as a baby, squawking, cooing, generally being a sweet baby girl, and then her "Toddler" walks into the room and she lights up.  He genuinely makes her laugh, and he seems just as fascinated by her.

Back to Mr.C though. Lately I've loved watching him eat.  He can be really fussy one day and then the next day he is stealing broccoli off of my plate (he takes after me in that regard).  The little bites of food, and the occasional dancing in his chair, the way he takes his time to figure out what he wants to eat.  I get frustrated at times when he won't eat certain things, but other times I sit back and just watch as my little boy eats his food, bit by bit and stops once in a while to ask for more of something.  He hangs out by the fridge a LOT, grazing on food all day, grabbing whichever food he sees in there that catches his eye, occasionally looking up and beyond eye level and seeing his favourite fruit just out of reach, he points and asks for it.

Now when I say "asks for it" I don't mean that he talks, he mumbles, a lot.  He doesn't have a lot of real words yet, he says "Blue, boat, choo choo (train), mama, dada, yes, no, truck, read" and a few others but I'm not trying to get too concerned about his unwillingness to talk.  He clearly understands me, he will make the same noises as we do (when we say Gemma he say Mmm Mma) but it seems like a lot of people keep getting into the habit of telling me he should be "talking by now".  I'm not sure at what point I need to be truely concerned, but I just have to wonder why people think that "He should be talking, he should be potty trained, he should be in a big boy bed etc" by now.  I dont know if he needs to be fully talking or speaking sentences, my pediatrician said to come back in 6 months (after his 2 year appointment) if he really isnt moving along in his speech, but to me, he seems to be doing ok.  He understands us when we ask him to do things, he will clean up after himself (sometimes), he will bring Gemmas pacifier to her if she needs it, and he will ask us to read to him if he brings us a book. He isn't ready to be potty trained, he won't tell us if he has messed up his diaper, and sitting him on the potty has only really caused him to chill out there, and then go bm in his diaper once it's back on.  I don't think I'm even that concerned about his crib.  He hasn't tried to climb or or scale the side of it, he is content to hang out in his crib, jumping up and down before, during and after his nap, the Dr said that if he's happy in there, keep him in there for a little bit longer.

I know my mom said that I was "potty trained at 21 months", but was I really, or is that a wonderful memory that has been made up as the years went by.  I am also a girl and by all accounts everyone says girls are easier to train.
I suppose I shouldn't get too worried about what people think, most of the people who are giving me "advice" are people who I have met in passing, and don't really know how my life, or my kids are. 

For now, I will sit back and watch my toddler, eating his strawberries, playing with his trains, and sitting by himself on the couch "reading" a book to himself (seriously, it's adorable).

200

Oh weight scale how you tease me! I weighed myself first thing this morning, as I usually do on Sunday morning and the scale read 199.6 for about 2 seconds and then the final weight switched to 200.0. I laughed because I knew the scale was teasing me, it knew how badly I wanted to see 199 and in "the biggest loser" fashion the numbers flashed around before (almost) settling on 199 and then a split second later it was back to 200. I look forward to taunting the scale next week and I wil make it submit to me and my weight loss. Until we meet next week my friend (or foe) the weight scale, you have proven yourself a worthy opponent.

201

I didn't post last week, mostly because I didn't feel like it. I spent that week being careful, watching what I ate and still managed not to lose anything. It was my anniversary that weekend, but I tried not to go nuts with the food, when I weighed in at 203 again I was pissed and spent the next week making up for no loss. I managed to get down to 201 this week and I once again am going to strive for that elusive 199 on the scale. I'm getting so close but I can't seem to shake this 203 number off of me. I think my plateau is this, and now I just need to work harder this week. I was getting a bit bummed out by all of this until last night when I saw a pair of jeans hanging up in my closet. They are a size 16 - old navy "diva" fit (the diva fit always feels tighter than the normal fit). I can't remember the last time I tried them of to see if they fit. So last night I figured, why not? They did give me muffin belly, but they slid on and buttoned up without being forced! Previously they were super tight and Getting them done up would have required 7 hands. I bought them without trying them on because old navy 16s were what fit me. Alas jeans in Texas have a shelf life of October to March, so I may never get to wear them! Either way that cheered me up a bit and I am looking forward to next week.

203

Surprisingly I'm not dissappointed in myself about the weight gain last week.  We spent the weekend at my in-laws house, and thats when all of my tummy troubles started.  The family was sick for the rest of the week after that, and I was down to 201.  The following week was the recovery week, and of course I started to feel better, so I started eating again.  Nothing bad or horrid, but food was actually staying in my belly.  I think this week will go a little bit better.  I'm trying my hardest to make sure that I make it out to 3 classes this week as that seems to be my make or break weightloss tool.

So I am hoping (and wishing and praying and thinking....) that by sunday I will maybe be down to 199.  I just really want to see those numbers soon.  I'm not discouraged, just impatient.

202

Another weight loss this week, which I am thankful, for! I was worried I wouldn't lose this week because there were a few times I ate something that I though would be ok in points and then after calculating the recipe,which we had to double, but then somehow had less servings than the recipe called for, I went over my daily allotment. I may also be experiencing better weight loss because I am taking my thyroid medication again. I took it all throughout my pregnancy, but then in December I forgot to take it for the whole time I was visiting Canada. When I got home I wasn't sure what I should do. Instead of calling my doctor I just stopped taking it (my bad). When I saw her at my last appointment she told me to start it again and then in about 8 weeks they will run the tests to see if my dosage is ok. I guess I should mention that I have an under active thyroid. Mum not sure exactly what it means, but from what I can gather from online, it can cause obesity, heart disease, joint paint, and other lovely things. I do believe it's worse in women who are 50 and over, but I would rather not roll the dice and start messing up my bodies hormones just because I forgot my meds. So now maybe the progress will be a little bit easier and I won't be wondering week to week if I have lost or not. I should also mention that this week something (or rather someone) wonderful showed up. My niece Marleigh was evicted from her nice warm womb and has come to join us all. I am so happy for my sister and her husband. After 2 of the longest most terrible years, they have welcomed their rainbow baby. She is so pudgy and cute and has way more hair than Ms. Gemma does. She looks like her brother Jackson did when he was born. I am looking forward to meeting her, I just hope my visit comes sooner rather than later! Well hopefully next week I will be in the 190s, I am 12 pounds away from my pre Clark weight, and I am so excited/impatient to get there. After that goal is reached then I can start a new journey on my weight loss goal above and beyond my baby weight loss. Ttfn.

Getting to know you....

We got a flyer the other day from our neighbours across the street.  Andy, being the social butterfly that he is, has met quite a few of them already, so he tells me about them, but I have yet to meet them (except the people that live behind us, I have actually spoken to them, but thats it).  They were handing out flyers to come out friday night and have ice cream and get to know the neighbourhood.  I thought to myself "what if no one shows up, most people keep to themselves these days", but I'm happy to report that quite a few people from the neighbourhood showed up.  We brought our favourite ice cream (cookies and cream) and shared that as well as eating the others than were brought (rocky road, yum....).  I got to meet the neighbour that has a son named Davis and a dog named Clark (what the what, thats not a dogs name :P). It was actually quite nice and It made me wish that all neighbourhoods were like this.  I'm hoping to see these people outside more often, maybe smile and wave, and if there are more get togethers, show up.  Sort of makes me long for the days where you know everyone on your block and everyone knows you.

205

Yeeehawn(as Clark would say), I finally passed the 30 pound mark. I haven't seen 205 in over 2 years so I am going to be happy about this. I spent the weekend at my in laws house, but thankfully there wasn't much junk food to speak of there so other than the chick fil a sandwich oopsy I had the rest of the weekend wasn't too bad. I was pumped to sep on the scale yesterday and saw that even though we had been traveling all day and not eating the best of foods I was still weighing in at a lower number than last week! Now I'm about 15 pounds away from my pre Clark weight gain and once I've hit that I can start setting new goals for myself! I'm going to keep my head up and hope that next week is another good weight loss week and that I can keep the excitement and motivation going.

Always look before you leap

Dont worry I didn't do anything too stupid, but I did eat something before looking at the points. My mother in law picked up breakfast today from chicken fil a, and even though it was described as a "chicken and sausage biscuit" I didn't thinking would be that bad. It was. After I ate it I entered the specifics into my weight watchers app and I almost cried when I saw 18 points. To give you an idea of just how bad this is, my normal points range for one day is 46 points. Crrraaapppp. I now have to manage to make it through the day without going over my points range. "fruit for lunch? Sure why not" "fruit for dinner? Um, hopefully not?" there is also the promise of cake tonight. So I will either have to dip into my points overage for the rest of the week, or hope that the cake is disgusting tasting (and let's be honest, it won't be). I'll be honest my outlook for this weeks weigh in isn't too sunny at the moment, but we will see.

207

So I watched myself this week and was able to lose...a pound. Not tryin to be so hard on myself but sometimes it gets frustrating. I know it's going to take longer to get the weight off as I keep losing it so I just have to keep that in mind. I'm getting back into my 3 a week workout routine so maybe this stalemate I've hit will start to break through again. I don't have much else to say right now, gotta get baby girl to sleep!

208, again.

I'm hoping this is not my plateau, if it is I need to burst through it soon. I'm needing to make sure I just watch what I eat this week and hopefully next week I will see some lower numbers. I was careful this week, but clearly I am eating the wrong foods. I need to make sure that I also get in a 3rd workout this week, my gym closed Friday and saturday so I couldn't go then either. Got a short bike ride in but that didn't do much. Mso, crossing my fingers for a better week.

210 *sad face*

Not that I am horribly sad that I am 210, I was just surprised my weight went back up.  I didn't have a bad week, I exercised 1 day less than I normally do, and I kept my points overage to a minimum.  That's why, when I checked on Sunday that I was 210, I had a bit of a WTF moment.  I just shook my head and said that I will make sure that this week counts for something.  I have been sticking to my routine of weight watchers, I even leave 2-3 extra points at night so I don't end up going into my overages.  I have noticed a weight loss on the scale, but I won't know until Sunday if I have actually lost or not.  I will also make sure I go to kickboxing this Saturday.  I have missed the past 2 Saturdays for family related stuff (sick babies, and trips to the zoo).  So, here is to crossing my fingers than I am not stuck in some sort of plateau bubble where my weight will only increase and decrease by small increments!

208!

I'm happy to say I was able to lose weight this week!  I didn't have a bad week with food, I just didn't have a good week with workouts.  On Monday I didn't go to kickboxing because I massive storm rolled on through Dallas.  We aren't talking about a little drizzle, it was piss pouring rain, and lightning and thunder shook the house.  The problem is, when it rains in Dallas is like when it snows in Canada.  People get stupid on the road and cause accidents, rather than driving slowly, cautiously or just even staying home if they don't need to go out. Once i saw 3 separate accidents on a 10 minute drive back home.  3 accidents, BECAUSE OF RAIN!
So I avoiding going out because I didn't want to get in an accident/be flooding off the road.
Wednesday I did get a workout in, but because I was so exhausted it wasn't my best workout. I'm so exhausted because the kids have been sick on and off.  It's like they are switching off on who gets to be sick every week!  On Saturday I skipped class, not because I am lazy, but because I took Clark to the doctor.  I say that I "skipped" class because after the Doctor visit I was told that Clark "was sick", but "it looks like he's getting better".
ARGGGGGGGG, he had been running a high fever the night before I took him and he had a running nose and a phglemy cough, yet somehow he is "getting better" after I take him to the doctor!  At least Gemma had a UTI when I took her to the doctor, made me feel like I'm not going completely crazy and that yes - my kids do get sick for real.
So, back to the weight loss.  I wasn't holding my standards really high for this week because of the missed workouts.  Thankfully I did see some weight loss and I am hoping to pick it up next week and continue to see some more loss!

211!

So the week of bad food came and went, and I'm happy to say that the week after was a much better success! I got back down to 213 and then down to 211! Andy and I said we need to get in touch with a dietician because even though I am following weight watchers I am still not eating the right foods. I feel tired at kickboxing some days and my energy is really low. I'm not sure if we will do it, I guess we will wait and see! Also thank you to my friends who read my blog, it makes me happy to know that you are following my progress and hope it keeps you guys motivated in the things you want to do. I set my new weight goal to 190, so it will be a while before my weight watchers app gives me the feedback I'm waiting to see (it tells you your averages and stuff). Once I'm back down to my pre Clark weight then it will be a whole new ball game.

214

Arggggggg (yep I'm a pirate), so as I said last week, my parents were coming to visit and I was worried I was going to gain weight.  So while I only gained 1 pound, my weight went up and down throughout the week, and thankfully by Sunday (my weigh in day) it was only 214.  I can't express my frustrations enough.

• I'm frustrated with myself for not having the will power too just not eat the food that is there.  
• I'm frustrated that even though I asked, several times for NO JUNK FOOD (minus the smarties and popcorn, which I did ask for) 4 boxes of cookies and 2 boxes of muffins still made it into my house.  
• I'm frustrated that I was constantly asked "would you like a cookie", uh duh, of COURSE I would like a cookie, I have no will power, why would I say no?  
• I was also frustrated by my son also eating the cookies, he needs to stay away from that stuff, and I did make a comment of "Well I don't want him to be a chunker like I was as a child".  I need him to learn from an early age what is and what isn't a good food choice.  Sure he can have sweets from time to time, but not everyday, and not in lieu of fruit. 
•  But mostly I am just frustrated by the lack of support I felt during the week.  I sent most of the cookies home, but they should never have crossed the threshold of my house in the first place.  I wish people would listen to me when I tell them these things. It's not me trying to be a bitch, it's me trying to tell them "Hey, can you support my change in eating habits and just help me out for once?".  Thankfully I got workouts in for the week so that kept my spirits up, knowing that I wasn't being a total heffalump the whole week.

As for the cupcakes ( I threw out the leftover chocolate ones, thankfully they were chocolate, I felt no sadness) and the cake (still sitting in my fridge, I haven't touched it, smelt it or cut a piece for the last 2 days) I know they were for a very special birthday boy, but man oh man was I weak, I am past the gorging myself on them and have started fresh and getting back into my better food.

I hope by sunday I can report that I am now at 213 again (or, fingers crossed 212)

213!

What up!  I managed to get down to 213 this week.  Mind you I weighed myself first thing in the morning so I'm sure that isn't my true weight loss.  Either way I am pumped, so far that is 22 pounds I've lost.  Everyday I look at my closet at the jeans sitting there, waiting to be worn, and I say to myself  "soon".  I cannot wait to get into them, it's like getting a hug from someone you haven't seen in a long time.
My parents are visiting this week, and so far I've eating cookies and popcorn :(.  The good news is, I am still tracking those "slip ups" and making sure I don't let myself get away with any cheating on this diet.  It also helps seeing how many points some of these things are worth.  It keeps me from eating 17 of them.  The funny thing was, before they came my sister did say "Make sure they don't go grocery shopping with you and try to buy bad food".  I couldn't really stop it from coming in if I didn't know they were going to buy it on their way here.  I just need to stop making excuses for myself and get some will power. 
Lets hope next week I will have another loss and not "staying even"....I could always leave my "soon" jeans attached to the fridge.

Have to vent

Sorry, I needed to get this off my chest, Andy has a calm personality and when I vent he just tells me that I have to stay Calm and let it go.... Jump mania day is a toddler only day at the jump castles. I don't mind if older children show up, providing they know how to behave. I caught this older kid jump, push or throw Clark down 3 times! I was so pissed because his mother was On the phone that whole time. I wanted to punch her in the face, repeatedly. I'm sure kickboxing has given me some sort of advantage right? The first time I took it as "this kid is just clumsy and fell into my son" the second time I saw him leading and then eventually dragging Clark through the castles and the brat ran off and hid when I yelled. The last time I saw him lead, then drag and then throw my son to the ground. When he jumped on him I yelled at him, chase him down and threatened him. I didn't threaten to hurt him, I just told him if he touched my son again I would find his mother and tell her exactly what he had done. Somehow that scared him enough that he ran away if I even gave him a raised eyebrow. As for Clark, I found him crying the last time inside the bounce castle. I got him out and snuggled him. I myself wanted to cry because I get really sensitive if my kids get hurt and I couldn't a help him. If that kid is there next week, and my mom is with me.....well we will see what I do if he touches Clark again.

218!

So earlier in the week I had weighed myself and was shocked that I was 215. Alas, it was a bit of a bad week, I went to a baby shower and a birthday all in the same day. I know I could have simply resisted the cupcakes at the shower and the cake at the end of he night, but you know what, I regret nothing! Regardless of my little stumble I am still happy that I lost 2 pounds from last week, so if I lose 2 more pounds then I will have lost 20 pounds. The nice part is looking at the jeans in my closet that I can officially donate because they are too big. Of course I still have quite a way to go before I am at my pre- Clark weight (about 30 pounds) I am almost to my pre Gemma weight (I was smarter the second pregnancy and stopped fooling myself with the eating for 2 notion). I am keeping up my chiropractor appointments because my lower back feels better one day but then not so great the next. Still keeping away from the pop, but I have been drinking lemonade (does that count)?. Speaking of lemonade, Saturday night I had lemonade beer for the first time. I think I am in love...... I hope next week my post will talk about my 20 pound weight loss, but only time will tell, just need to crack the whip on my eating and tell people to not bring pop or chips into my house (unless they are eating all of it and not leaving any behind).

222!

Heres an update on my progress so far. As of last sunday my weight loss has been 13 pounds!  I am starting to feel better physically, I just need to get to the chiropracter to get my back adjusted.  I have been having a harder time at kickboxing and I think it is due to the constant picking up of a 32 pound toddler and a 12 pound baby, its a bit of a strain on me, and I'm trying not to favour one arm over the other but its really hard.
Its hard to stay off of a scale constantly to see what my weight of the day is and I just have to remind myself that even when I haven't lost, I'm still doing myself well.
I am still avoiding pop, which is a lot easier than I thought it would be, but fast food is still my weakness.  Thankfully with weight watchers I can still enjoy it, just in moderation.  I'm looking forward to hitting the 20 pound weightloss, I just have to stay patient, it will come soon enough.

Improvements....someday

As you may have noticed, I have a very basic, boring blog. The reason I haven't improved upon it is because, I'm not sure how. I see all of the pretty blogs I follow, and I think "me want" or rather "how do I do that pretty stuff to my blog". I'm currently navigating around blogger trying to figure this out, so if any of my friends have tips on how to do this easily, please help this poor ugly-blog girl! I would like tabs at the top, but so far I have managed to eff that up. When I have the time I am going to try and improve this, but for now it will stay boring....maybe I will mess with my sewing blog first, I have less readers so if I mess up huge it might go unnoticed longer.....

Am I a bad mommy?

Possibly yes, but I couldn't help but feel a bit smug after this happened.

Yesterday I brought Boogs to the jump castle day and we were having a great time. He ending up taking a basketball from one of the jump zones to play with, which was fine, just so long as he didn't throw it at anyone. So he is walking around with it when this little boy took it right from him and said "mine". Now we all know that children go through this phase, that part wasn't the problem, what bothered me was this kids mom as nowhere to be found to say "hey, you are not allowed to take toys, you must share". I resisted the urge to grab it back and tried to calm Boogs by telling him that some kids are not great at sharing yet. My smug moment happened shortly after when Boogs walked back to the toddler area, I was watching him play and all of a sudden the ball theif started crying. I could see his mom looking in my direction and then back to the kids, all of a sudden this cute little girl walked up to her mom and said "I bite". Turns out the little girl (not Boogs) had bitten this little boy! I felt a little bad about it, but then again his mom wasn't even paying attention to what he was doing and admitted that he probably took that little girls toy she may have been playing with. So yes, I had a bad mommy moment, so sue me. We all have them, and I will take a lesson out of it, that lesson is to teach my kids to share, and not bite other kids.

Cleaning clutter!

So as anyone on the universe as heard of, there is a website out there called Craigslist. I've looked at this site many times buy never used it until a few months ago when we bought our double stroller. I was always hesitant because of some of the horror stories I heard, but I decided to try it. I'm so happy I did! In our backroom (former garage) all of our "couldn't find a spot for it, so this is the catch all room" there was a dresser, and a bed, among other things, and while they were still in good condition, we no longer had use for them. I posted them on Craigslist and they both sold within 10 minutes (guess I priced them low enough, yay!). I was so pumped I wish I had more stuff to sell, but I don't. I am however excited that i Have reclaimed some space back there and now can start my donation piles and can call the salvation army to come over! I'm not sure how or when the Declutter bug hit me, but I can finally start to see the light at the end of the hoarder tunnel. I eventually want to get all of my sewing stuff back there so I can have some real space. Andy's office/my sewing room/Andy's storage for his brew stuff is starting to get a little bit cluttered, so I hereby officially lay claim to the garage!!!!

237

Most women don't want to reveal their weight, its not anyone's business, and for some it brings embarrassment or shame. Well, last weeks (as well as my 6 weeks appointment at the doctor my weight was 237). It is probably the heaviest I've been (not including pregnancy). Of course I was embarrassed, I don't know how I got myself to this point, but this is where I am going to get myself out of. I want the world to know what my weight is, I'm tired of being embarrassed, and on my road back to pre-baby weight I just have to keep myself motivated. I am now currently 234, it's going to be a long road ahead to get back to the 190 mark, and while I would love to get to my ideal weight, I would still be happy with 190. I no longer have a goal weight but rather a "goal pair of pants". All those jeans I had worn before my babies. Those wonderful wide leg pants, I miss wearing all of them. I have a 2 sets of pants now, but I didn't want to go crazy because I want to get into my goal pants. So, my goals have been set, I'm coming for you pants ;).

New years resolution

So every year people come up with resolutions about what they plan on doing and every year by the time February hits, they give up on those resolutions. I stopped making them years ago because I knew I am the type of person who does this. I decided that I wanted to better myself because I wanted to, not because I made the resolution to do so on the 1st of January. This year I felt slightly differently, I said to myself that my "resolution" would be to try and work my way through all 4 of those Rubbermaid bins in my house full of fabric. Start sewing more, less shopping and maybe just improving my skills. It won't be easy, sewing with two babies in the house is mostly impossible, but I will continue to try. I have also decided to try and drink water, tea and juice and cut out pops (let's see how long I can do it). I've taken up kickboxing and started weight watchers. Those things I have considered not to be my resolutions, but rather the things that I want to better about myself. The kickboxing started early December, so I can safely say that I am well outside of the boundaries on that one. The no pop drinking was something I know I should do, because all the delicious sugar and carbonation makes me feel all bloated and yucky, I just need to remember that before I order it. The weight watchers needs to go hand in hand with my kickboxing or else I will just continue to eat fast food without moderating how much of it I am actually eating (yes I will still eat it, but now I have a points system to track myself so I don't go off the rails). So this is the year of "improving myself" not just resolving to do it and then failing horribly because It wasn't something I actually wanted to do.