Hand, Foot and Dammit!

So this past week Clark hasn't been himself, which means, he was getting sick. The weird thing is, he rarely gets sick, because he is a stay at home baby, he doesn't go to daycare and hangs out with Gem and I all day. So about 3 days ago, he started being really moody, and waking up during the night, he normally goes back to sleep when he wakes like this, but he went from a quick cry, to a full on tantrum until Andy went to get him. He had a runny nose, and a cough so I took him to the doctor. Strangely enough I didn't think he had a fever, but he did. He had a red throat, but not strep, so they told me that it would "run its course". Later on that night, I noticed he had red spots on his feet which he was itching like crazy, so I decided to call my sister who is a Pediatric Nurse. I was telling her the symptoms and she said it was probably a cold, and then I mentioned the rash, I heard her say "oh, um, that sounds like hand, foot and mouth". I thought to myself "Dammit, how the hell did he get that". He had a few baby friends visit recently, but none of them have gotten sick. My mom just visited, and she was sick by the time she left, but we don't know what she had. Andy was sick for a few days, and somehow, I am ok? My main concern is keeping Clark from kissing his baby, which is tough, he is like a kiss ninja, and before you know it he's planted one on her head.
So anyway, poor Boogs, is now all rashy, and sad looking, and he even now has the mouth sores :(. I am hoping he gets through this quickly, and I have to keep an eye on Gem until then. It just sucks when you are a stay at home mom, and you spend so much time with your babies, that when they get sick, you are stuck trying to figure out who or what has made them sick.

Donations

I must say when it comes to clothes shopping, I love it! The weird thing is I know I don't necessarily need the clothes but I get bored so easily with my clothes that I start thinking about the stuff I will donate to replace it. My first thought is usually " can I take this to a consignment store" but then laziness kicks it and I will just donate it instead. I've realized that Dallas has a snobby outlook with regards to consignment, they clearly only want high end items and want nothing to do with the clothes that I take good care of (I do have an idea of what is just donate-able and what might be consignment worthy) . I suppose that's what I find so frustrating about living here sometimes. There are moms out there (who I've seen in action) that sit and gossip about what other people on the playground are wearing. Judging people because they can't afford a Gucci diaper bag, as if that will make their babies any happier.

So anyway.... In regards to donations, I started growing my hair out in may of 2008 with the dreams of eventually donating it. I had a lot of the colour cut out in October 2008 and my natural hair colour was all I had by march 2009. Since then I've continued to grow it and just kept up with hair trims. When I started it was just something I always wanted to do, I know those wigs are expensive but I wanted to make sure there was a child out there that had a wig with real hair not fake. I always intended to donate it to a child's cause as well because I felt that they are so young and they are stricken with an illness they don't understand they need the hair more than I would. I know there are ways to make money by selling your hair, but I felt better about giving it away instead. I get questions from family members all the time, asking me if I still intended to donate or if I am going to start colouring it again. I've even had encouragement from someone telling me to colour and cut it because sometimes colour "just looks nice", that just pisses me off. I have not come this far to all of a sudden decide that a cut and some colour is more important than the cause. After I made the Descision it was easy and since then things have happened that made me keep focus on what I was doing this for. Jackson died, and I was and still am devastated, shortly after he passed we found out that my cousins daughter was in the early states of leukemia. They caught it and started treating her, it is currently in remission but with all the treatments she lost her hair. I think it has started growing back, but She helped solidify that there is a reason I am doing this. So I suppose now when I'm out with my kids and being secretly judged by those moms, who I'm sure are wondering why my hair is so blah and colour less I can have a sense of pride that sometimes it isn't about my clothes or hair, it's about what someday my donation will mean to someone.

Busy times

My little Gem is 2 weeks old and I can hardly believe it. So far Boogs hasn't show any jealous tendencies and has had nothing but kisses and head pats for his "baby". I just need to get myself into a routine with these kids. Gem sleeps all day and boogs plays, I am still trying to catch up on all of the sleep I'm losing. I wish I could chug red bulls all day but alas that is not good for the baby! I'm having an easier time setting Gem down and trying to keep some order in this house, I'm hoping to have it organized again, within the next 6 months, but I have better priorities that will always come first. Until then any guests that visit might just have to deal with my messy house and the stinky babies that live here too!

Labour day

So I decided not to make a big to do on facebook about the fact that in the next 24 hours my baby girl will be here, but for those who read my blog here are some mini updates until the pain takes over.... I checked into the hospital st 8pm lat night for my induction, I was excited and nervous, last time was quite different because Clark sort of just came when he wanted, baby girl is being evicted in a way...... They started me on cervadil at 930pm and basically I was set for an overnight waiting period for her to show up. I ate some subway and drank some cranberry juice, watched some Conan and other things on tv and I took the offer of ambien to help me sleep the night. I know that after midnight I passed ouy and sort of drifted into and out of sleep when the nurse came in. At 730am they removed the cervadil and started the pitocen I'm having some mild contractions on and off, I am waiting for the " big ones" to start it's only 1140am so I think anything coming soon is wishful thinking. Eventually the doctor will be in to check me and maybe break my water, and then the show will begin. Until then, just waiting..... Alright, here is the finished update! The doctor came in and checked me around 130 and there was no progress so they had to break my water, let me just say, ouch! The first time around with Clark my water broke on it's own so I had no idea how much work it took to actually do it. After that there was some sort of baby monitor attached to her head, every once In a while she would move around and more water would escape. After the water breakage, s##t got real. The contractions started off mild at first, manageable, and then it started to hurt more, I fought through the pain at first, and then started begging fo fentanyl to ease the pain. I was allowed to have 1 dose every hour, the first half hour was great, I was relaxed and the edge was taken off, about a half hour in it got painful, so once they could they gave me another dose. The 2nd dose seemed to have the same effect as the first, but this time when it wore off I was ready to do whatever I had to do to make the pain stop I asked for a 3rd dose, and by the time I got it I was screaming for an epidural. The nurse wanted to make sure I didn't feel pressured to get one and I told her I didn't feel under pressure, the pain had just become too much to handle. I think looking back, the difference between Clark and Gemmas birth is one wasn't an Induction so any pain I felt was my body, not the Induction medicine giving me so much pain. After the epidural I felt like a whole other person, I did have the shakes at first but those eventually went away. They checked me and I was still at 4cm with no baby dropping, so she said she would come back again in 2 hours. Around 1130 the doctor came in to check me and there had been barely any change. She said I was 4cm and the baby wasn't dropping, there was also a cord problem, possibly wrapped around her neck or shoulders, but there was no way to tell. She said she was going to give me an hour to change and if nothing changed we would be doing a c section. They turned me onto my right side and Andy and I talked about how a c section wasn't the worst ting in the world, at least the baby would be out and after 30 hours in labour, I just wanted it to be over. The doctor came back in after an hour and checked me, she was so excited! I was now at 8cm and the baby had dropped, the problem with the cord also seemed to have resolved itself and was possibly just wrapped around her leg. She gave me one more hour before she would deliver and she was confident I would be able to push this baby out. As tired and both of us were, this was music to our ears! We spent the next hour shooting the breeze with the nurses and the doctor, and they would all come in and out of the room to make sure I was still feeling ok. The epidural was starting to wear off and I could feel the contractions, which were getting stinger and push worthy. They increased to pain meds to help and within minutes I announced that I thought baby girl was ready to show up. I will spare all the gross details, but after about 8 good pushes she was out! I was thankful to the nurses who were there for me throughout the days of being in labour, and I was happy to know I had a doctor who wanted to deliver the baby the way I was hoping to. I'm now just hanging out at the hospital and strangely looking forward to going home. All throughout my labour there was one thing I wanted more than anything, and that was to see my Clark. I saw him today briefly but now I just want to go home and snuggle up with him and Gem. I am happy to have both of my happy healthy babies here, and look forward to bringing her home. Now I just have to wait for my friends daughter to show up. I am hoping she has a nice smooth delivery and I want it to be as pain free for her as possible!

She will be here soon

Today I am currently 18 days from my due date, I had a doctors appointment to see where baby girl is at and if anything has changed with her. I knew something was up when they took my blood pressure, they checked me, let the arm band release and then checked me again, and the nurse said "you're 140/92, we won't be inducing you today, but the doctor will probably want to do it soon". Even I know that 140/92 is high (having been through the whole possible pre-clampsia thing). They sent me for blood work, and when I got back to the doctor she said "Yea, so you don't have to wait any longer, I am going to induce you". So, tomorrow at 8pm I am going to show up to the doctor and hopefully have this baby as quickly as possible! I know 37 weeks is still early, but I am sore, swollen, and twice the past weekend I slipped and fell on my knees. Let's just say that I was in enough pain that I couldn't walk properly for most of saturday.
Here is to hoping all goes as planned.

Pregnancy update

So an update - I was able to attend my sisters wedding which was wonderful. It was all very last minute, we found out Monday that I could travel if I wanted to, so we booked the flights on Tuesday and took off Wednesday. I had a lot of family help with watching Boogs, just to keep me relaxed. The wedding was beautiful and I was always close to tears when seeing my sister and her new hubby together, I'm happy that they found each other and look forward to seeing them grow old together.
When I got home I had a doctors appointment the next day, i was a bit on edge not knowing what they were going to tell me. Luckily they gave me the all clear, no high blood pressure, no protein. I was concerned about the weight gain but they said it was normal and I am just retaining water and have normal pregnancy swelling.
Now I just have to wait about 5 more weeks and she will arrive, or maybe she will come early !

oh pregnancy woes

With Clark, I'd like to say I had a pretty uneventful pregnancy, with the exception of the Kidney Stones I had, I would say not much happened.
I just wonder if carrying a girl would have been such an ass kicker if I had a girl first and a boy second?
The morning sickness, the 'other issues' that came up recently, and now, just this past week I went to the doctor for my regular check up and I thought all was well until they said my blood pressure was high, they re-tested me and sure enough, it was still up there. I guess I also hadn't been listening the first time around because they also found protein in my urine.
Lucky me :S. I guess you could say the high blood pressure could be caused by the fact that I am constantly on the tail of a toddler, and sometimes he does things that just get me so wound up I lose my cool. But the other thing, I can't explain. Of course this is all coming on the heels of my sister getting married. The doctor really didn't want me to travel, and when she said some of the problems I could face could be seizures if my condition got worse and developed into preclampsia, I was upset. I was upset for many reasons, I blamed myself, I've been stressed out lately about the house being clean, and about Clark behaving, and just making sure things were tidy and in order at the house. Currently there are books and toys scattered everywhere, I just can't be bothered to clean it up, I don't feel like it and I'm not the only person in the house who knows how to clean. I talked to my sister who told me not to stress out about not being able to come, and as much as I try not to be upset, deep down inside I can help it. How many times do you get to see your sister get married? (once and only once is the correct answer here). So while I am waiting for tests to come back and blood work to come through I can only hope the doctor tells me that things are ok. I don't feel like going on bedrest, and I really don't want to have to deliver at 37 weeks (although the plus side would be having a baby near my birthday).

To my friends and family that read my blog, I will keep you all updated, but for now, i am in the waiting place....

Baby oh Baby (names)

So Andy and I have been racking our brains with what to name our daughter and it's a bit difficult. We have a few names picked out, but here is where the problem is, we have 3 friends (it was 4, but one just popped) and we know for sure that one of them is having a girl.

We have 3 girls names picked out and I am so SO afraid that I might settle on a name and then it gets taken and I have to go back to the drawing board. I know one friend still doesn't know what she is having (because the baby is being stubborn, therefore, I think it's a girl :) ). The other friend isn't going to find out until the baby is here (I think that one is a girl too, it just seems this is the year of the girl). i know odds are low that my 3 friends will somehow all pick the names I like, but just like when I was preggers with Clark, I was worried that someone would take that name too.
Of course I am keeping all my names a secret, but that's only because I don't want opinions on if people like the name or not, for now we are calling her "Baby Dos" or in my case, I call her Saffron.

Funny part is, my mom has said she liked the name Saffron. So if you are one of pregnant friends, and you have a girl AND you like the name Saffron, you feel free to use it :).

So, until all 3 of those babies come out and are named, I might need to come up with a bigger list!

Check out my hooters

I wasn't sure if this should go in my family blog or my sewing blog, I decided on this one.
I posted a few months ago about how I thought I would like to do an owl theme the next time we had a baby. Well then I got pregnant and it became a reality. I've always wanted to sew my own baby crib gear but never found any owl material worth using (it was either to girly, or just fugly). Even though I am having a girl, I wanted to keep the crib stuff neutral and green because I don't want her to feel that she needs to be a pink frilly baby all the time (but she does have 2 Grammas who have bought her the cute frilly pink stuff I can't wait to dress her in!).
ANYWAY before I go too off track, I looked around to see if there was an affordable crib set with Owls and they were either too girly or had other woodland creatures on them, so I had to set out to find the material of my dreams.
Joann fabric must have heard my prayers for something Green, and Neutral and with owls only because I am now in love with this fabric and will start sewing stuff for her when my parents come down to visit.
Here is a peek at the "before" it gets sewn.

The front of the Blanket (I like the Owl who is lifting his wing, almost as if saying "sup")

I think that this is going to be the back of the blanket, I'm not sure yet, it could be a whole separate blanket possibly.


Here is a close up of the last fabric piece


My mom sent me 2 more piece of matching fabric in the mail (she bought the first big Owl Piece as well)

Close up of the last 2 fabrics

Needless to say, I am excited to start the actual blankets, hoping they turn out (with minimal swearing involved) and any finished results will get posted on sew effing bored.

the new apartment

We got our internet today so I thought I would write about our new house-apartment.
Let me just start by saying that we have SO MUCH CRAP. We got rid of a bunch of stuff, but there is still so much to sort through, the good news is, the house we moved to has so much space! Clark gets his own room (no sharing with little sista), and the kids will have a big play room to use. Andy has his own room for an office (which I will also use for sewing) so he won't have to deal with Sir Screams-a-lot when he decides to throw a fit and so far, the neighbourhood has been relatively normal.
The biggest difference (besides there being only one floor and NO STAIRS *yay*) is how quiet it is. Before we were in an apartment complex, surrounded by other apartments, as well as our bedroom faced a completely separate complex, and lucky us, we got to deal with a neighbour who loved to smoke his ass off and cough up a lung. His other favourite thing to do was talk on his phone, on his balcony between the late night hours (sometimes midnight, sometimes 5 am). I hear the train here in our new place from time to time, but it's relaxing to hear it sometimes. It's so quiet at night now, no more next door neighbours coming home late, or practicing running up and down the stairways, no more dealing with broken gates at the entrance of the complex, and hey, we can recycle now :D!!!!
I don't enjoy packing or moving, so lets hope we stay here for a few years, enough that the kids have grown out of their baby stuff so we don't have to move that either.

day at the pool!

I will start off by saying, I hate the sun, I take Boogs out to the park, but I can't stand the heat so we don't stay very long, and the sun is not my friend (I burn really easily). I made an exception today, because I love the water!
We met up with our friends at the pool and tried out Clarks new swim trunks/swim diapers and life jacket. We stripped Clark down, and lotioned him up, then we put on his swim trunks (which went almost to his ankles) and his swim shirt (which is long sleeved), he was so cute :D, his head and arms were probably the only things exposed, but you can never be too safe when you are trying to prevent baby sunburn!

So when we got to the pool, i made the mistake of taking Clark right into the adult pool, he was so upset. He cried at first and eventually Daddy stepped in and he calmed down a little bit, then Daddy took him to the kiddy pool, he liked that a bit better until he fell back, his face was in the water for .001 seconds, but that was it, he wanted out!

We ate some lunch and I eventually got him back in the pool, I was trying to teach him to float on his back, but he wasn't having it. I thought all was lost and he would never enjoy the water until he stood on my knees and we bounced a little bit.

So in the next few weeks we have a vacation coming up and I am looking forward to getting him back in the pool to get him used to the water, I myself am looking forward to splashing around in the water as well.

It's a...

Girl :D!!!
My sister and Andy were right, of course, now that we know, maybe this little girl will stop beating me up and let me enjoy my food !!
The ultrasound went well, they didn't make me drink a bajillion litres of water (which is weird), she behaved and they got all the pictures of her heart valves as well as her measurements.  It was quite different from Boogs, he took about 6 ultrasounds before they finally gave up with all the stuff they needed.
She was pretty chilled out the whole time, and when the technician asked if I wanted to know I said "Absolutely!".  She was so nice and nonchalant as she said "well your little girl...." and I said "A little girl? So you were right Andy".  She showed me the goods (or rather where her lady parts were) and it wasn't as clear as it was with Clark (because frankly a penis just kinda sticks out there for everyone in the room to see).  She didn't even try to hide, which I know friends of mine are having to deal with right now (a shy baby hiding their gender, tsk tsk, they are already playing games with their mommy and daddy!) so I am happy.  I would have been happy if it had been another boy (but then again I think I am going to let my sister have all the boys).  Now I get to talk to all my friends that have girls and ask them what I have in store for me. From what they've all said girls can sometimes be more 'delicate' than boys, but maybe she won't be, she has an older brother to toughen her up, plus I don't plan on raising a princess, I guess I will just have to wait and see!.

tomorrow is the day!

The day we find out if we are carrying a penis or a vagina.  Most people I know are guessing girl.  I'm sitting on the fence, a boy would mean that I could reuse all of Boogs' clothes, a girl means I have to pick through all of his clothes, find some neutral stuff, and put that on her first, but I also get to put her in dresses, bows in the hair, pigtails, all of it.  My sister and Andy are guessing it's a  girl mostly because this pregnancy has given me an ass kicking.  I am in week 17 (week 18 tomorrow) and somehow the morning sickness has stuck around.  Everything has made me want to puke, even some of my favourite foods will make me heave on any given day!  I am ready for that to end!  I have some meds to keep me from getting sick, but they didn't work yesterday :S. I find my appetite has gone down as well, I'm eating smaller portions (which isn't a bad thing), but it's frustrating because I wonder if it will stay down.

So, tomorrow will be the update on Beebo and if it's a he or she.

Home sweet (rental) home?

So, it looks like we've found our place, in fact we found it on the first day, we just didn't know it was "home" for a few days.
What happened was, the last house of the day came back up for rent, but my heart just wasn't in it, I didn't outright tell Andy that this wasn't "my dream apartment" but because he can read me like a book, he figured it out and told me to "just be honest".  So I said "Honestly, the house was nice, but it was toooooooo small".
We decided to keep looking at rental places, until 10 minutes later Andy said that we should sign a lease for the first rental house we had looked at that day.  It was in our price range, and it is admittedly huge!
The breakdown goes like this  - there is 3 bedrooms, plus a dining room (which will be Andys office), there are new appliances in the kitchen, a decent sized living room, and my favourite part, a converted garage.
I'm not sure if this is a dallas thing or not, but people in Dallas LOVE to convert their garage into a functional room.
There is still a parking space, but what makes me love this room the most is that it will be a great play room for Clark and Beeboo (baby #2). 
At this point, we have the lease, we just have to change some names that were spelled wrong (Andy = Jon NOT John).  Once we sign it I will breathe a sigh of relief, and then I will start getting rid of stuff we don't need (yay, nesting kicked in early/actually kicked in this time!) 
So, hopefully the next post will be about how we have secured the lease and we are packing up.

YAYYYYYY

I just threw up out of sympathy

NOTE: THIS IS A GROSS OUT POST. If you have a weak stomach (like me) don't read on.

So, today at dinner, I was feeding Mr.C and he was freaking out towards the end, I assumed it was because he was getting cranky about sitting in his high chair, so I finally got him to finish all of his food and told him to come join me in the living room for some sesame street. Before I even got it all loaded I heard Andy say "Oh crap" and I ran back in to see the poor little guy puking his dinner right back out. Of course I felt awful, because I realized that I must have over fed him, but then something funny happened. He walked over to me, put his hands up, and suddenly he was ok again (of course he was covered, so I stripped him first....ewwww). That might be the one thing Clark and I have in common, unless we are under the weather, once the vomit is out, we can get on with our day.
This is where it gets annoying. Having my 2nd pregnancy be so much more different from the first has really, really sucked. I never EVER got sick with Clark, but this baby, it's like I'm sick every other day.
After i finished my dinner, I was carrying Clark around, and then it happened; I coughed.
That set everything else off, and then I was sick. So, I eventually gave Clark a sympathy throw up, you know, to make things even for forcing him to finish all of his dinner!
Sorry for the gross out post, but at the time it wasn't funny to me. Now it is.

The hunt begins...

Or rather, continues? Andy and I have been apartment hunting for a few weeks now, and we've decided to try and get a "rent-house" if we can, so we looked at several places today, holy crap was that tiring!
The first house we saw, was by far my favourite, but here is the problem, it's up for rent, but it's also up for sale, so just because we put an application in, doesn't mean someone can't scoop it up from underneath us. We looked at about 3 more "shit-holes" before we found an apartment we liked. There was a guy who put an application in, but was sitting on his hands, and making demands that were unreasonable (it's a rent house, not For Sale, dumbass). By the time we got to the last place to look at, the guy who was sitting on his hands decided to go through with the rental (bummer), he must have heard we were interested and it lit a fire under his ass.
The last place was alright, but the kids bedrooms were downstairs and the master bedroom as well as the washer and dryer hookups were upstairs. I am not willing to leave my babies downstairs so close to the front door while I sleep upstairs, if it were the other way around it wouldn't be a problem, but to me, it just didn't make me feel safe.
So now the hunt continues, we still have a little under 2 months to find a place, I just hope it can be the "house of our dreams...for now".

One of my favourite paintings

Years ago, I had a set of friends, but this post isn't about them, it's about a painting that we all came across one day on our Sunday day out (it was after a long night of Saturday night drinking).
I had forgotten how much I love this painting and the saying that went with it.

It is a painting by Markus Pierson, I can no longer remember the name, but it was part of a series of coyotes, and I loved the quote that went above it.

that many had ventured farther and done so in finer style bothered me not. My journey was my own and I found it to be quite spectacular

I can't say that it was a "life changing" moment, but it stuck with me. I was having a tough time (with life and with the men in it) and dealing with the garbage that went along with it, and this quote made my day, it stuck with me and for weeks I would remind myself that I just needed to ride out whatever was keeping me down, because there would be much greater things on the horizon for me. It finally came to me the other day while I was driving around and I can't believe that I locked it far back in my memory. I am posting it here now in the hopes that I never forget the painting I saw that finally made everything click for me.

how do I fix the bite monster?

I cannot figure this out, I have tried several different ways of trying to get C to stop biting, but it is NOT WORKING! I took him to the mall today to play, and he was doing fine, until he saw Balloons.
He LOVES balloons, so he started going towards them, some Mary Kay rep was bugging me about a makeover, and I politely told her (several times) that I am kind of busy with a kid nowadays (I should have told her to PISS OFF). By the time I finally shook her, he was at the balloon, and he was playing with it. I wouldn't have had a problem with this, but it wasn't his balloon to play with, so I took him away from it to the other side of the play area, and he went straight back to it. So I took him away and he threw a shit fit!
I took him out of the play place to calm him down, and he bit my arm, HARD. There is now a mark with a small bruise from where he chomped down. Of course being in public I couldn't give him a spanking (because I don't want other parents calling the spank police). The "No biting" technique didn't work, and because we were at the mall I couldn't just set him down and walk away! I put him in his stroller, but he didn't cry, he just chilled out like "what did I do?".
So now I'm faced with the question of How do I tame the bite monster? Although sometimes It's not just the biting, sometimes he pinches and hits, WHAT DO I DO!!!! I've told him no hitting/pinching/biting, and he laughs. Spankings haven't worked, and if I do it back to him, he will think it's ok to do it.

Right now, I feel like I'm S.O.L

Some things I've 'learned'

*Note, this isn't one of my usual rants, it's about religion in politics, please do not read on if you want to start an argument with me*.

There are things I've learned in this life, and one of the big ones is "Never talk about politics or religion" as a conversation starter.
Living down in the United States, I can understand why, people get absolutely MAD about it here.
Not that I understand either of these subjects, nor do I care to understand them.
In my opinion, Obama isn't doing a bad job, considering the pile of shit that was left behind for him from Cletus the Slack jawed yokel he can only do so much.
Besides, I'm not allow to vote, so I suppose I'm not allowed to have an opinion right?

Here is the other touchy subject that makes me roll my eyes, I am currently living in the bible belt of the US.
God and I aren't on good terms after he took my nephew away, and his religious minions that are going around spouting their hate aren't making me much of a believer that he is 'the greatest'.
It's not his fault, it's the religious wackjobs who are on my facebook and on the street, and on the radio, spouting their hate over Gay Marriage.

Why is this any of their business I do not know. So what if you consider them "sinners" in the eyes of God. I guess if they don't "get to go to heaven" wouldn't that leave more room for you? Stay out of their lives and bedrooms and worry about yourself. I would love to slap some sense into these people, but there is no point, I can only hope that at some point they are just bred out of society for highly educated/open minded individuals.
That has just been bugging me lately, it's always bothered me. I wish other people would get their head out of their asses and see it that way, but again....I'm in the bible belt, not Portland, Oregon.

strange dreams

Last night C kept me up until 1:30, he just woke me up, so excuse this post if there is grammatical errors, the sleep deprivation in me is awful. I had to post about the strange dream I had last night....this is how it went.

I am at my parents house, and the only other people there are myself, my sister, my mom, and Clark.
My sister and I are talking and I say "We should go up to the attic". Mind you, we don't have an attic in our house, but for some reason in this dream we do (It made sense later on). She agrees although she says that she hates it up there, as it is haunted and creepy.
We go up the stairs to the attic and I realize that I am in my Grandma Jacksons attic (she never let us up there, after she passed away it was the first place we went to in her house). Once we are up there, I am also getting a creepy vibe, and then things start moving around. At one point a stool comes flying towards us, and I grab it. For some strange reason I tell my Grandma Jackson to stop messing around and give me the stool, and the stool responds which lead me to believe that the ghost in the attic is her.
Following a few minutes of creepy experiences and an attic that goes from fully furnished to absolutely empty I say to my sister "lets go outside". Before we get there, we end up in a part of the attic that has a door, it is one of the fully furnished room and suddenly a stereo kicks on. The first thing I hear is a snippet of a song, and I turn to my sister and say "Jackson is here, he is trying to tell us something". The song starts to fully play and it is Eric Clapton - Tears in Heaven. Needless to say I start panicking and looking around for him, but I don't see him. My sister assures me that he is gone, but it is his spirit doing this. I can't handle it and I run to the backyard (which puts us back at my parents house), my mom is there, with Clark, and my sister follows. So does the song.... I tell my mom about what is happening in the attic and she says that my Grandma and Jackson are just giving us confirmation that they are ok. All of a sudden I look up and I see her - it's my Grandma Jackson! I run over to her in tears, I was so happy to see her alive and well, but then my sister, mom and Clark stroll by without any notice of her and I fell to the ground in tears. I have finally realized that I am seeing her ghost, yet no one else did. While in tears, I ask her if Jackson is with her in heaven and she assure me that he is, I started asking her questions about what he looks like how old is he and she responds "He looks the same, he is only 2 months old". I told her that didn't make any sense as he was 4 months when he passed away and she tells me that In heaven you revert to a younger happy version of yourself, you never age, so when you get up there yourself you don't always know who your family is right away. Before I could say anymore, she left, and then I woke up, miserable.
I would love to have a dream analysis on this one, because it was so messed up, and scattered that I still don't understand what happened in the dream and why.

no friggin way!

Today in the car, we were on our way to take Boogs to the doctor (he has a cold, not much they could really do for us other than tell us it will take a few days to go away). As I get into the car, Andy says "Hey, guess what I found in the car today, a GPS unit". I said "No way, are you shitting me, I checked that night and I saw NOTHING". Needless to say, I had checked in the dark, i was also a little bit worked up and upset, so clearly I didn't see it. I was gobsmacked. I was also really happy. It's a trivial thing to be excited about, but at the same time, I couldn't believe those Idiot criminals only stole one of them (yay). I guess my dream about still having my GPS wasn't just a dream, maybe my subconscious was trying to tell me that it was still there, I just didn't look hard enough.
I know it's my GPS because all the addresses are in Canada, and it's set to kilometres. So, I have now registered it on MyGarmin, and my next step will be to set a password on it (just incase someone does steal it, I want to make sure they never get to use it).

Sometimes I suppose I get way ahead of myself and don't stay calm, and in this case, it wasn't anything awful, but now I know to stop, focus and figure out if something is REALLY missing.
I have my GPS back, and I am going to carry it on me (not in the car) at all times!

There goes my appetite...

Boogs has had a runny nose since last night, and I must say, I normally feel really nauseous whenever I see a running nose (like at his birthday party, one of the other kids was rocking some serious booger nose, and I gagged), but for some reason, his didn't make me feel sick. It did however send me upstairs to get the kleenex, because I will NOT have a booger nose (because eventually it dries, and that's just disgusting).
I was just using Saline spray on him, but then he started sounding congested, so I used the suction bulb to get out the grossness. He is NOT a fan of either of these methods, but I tell him I am trying to help him feel a bit better. The method of suction out his nose is a little gross, but he is sounding better at the moment. I might have to spend another night in the lazy boy chair with him, but only time will tell.
He also had his 12 month shots today, he.was.pissed! Thankfully he cried for about a minute and once Mommy picked him up, he was suddenly better (strange how that works huh). We went to the mall later and met up with Britt and Ellory, and that was alright for a while. Then Boogs would cry whenever he walked to far away from me. I think he was just getting tired and overstimulated. Poor Guy, he just can't catch a break somedays!

Happy First Birthday Boogs!

I can't believe one year ago today I pushed you out. I have been so busy this year trying to keep up with you and all of your progress, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
You are walking, making messes all over the place, and sometimes, you might not be the happiest baby, but you know I love you, regardless of how late you keep me up at night.
You make me laugh during bathtime, when there is a tub full of toys, and there is only one thing you want to play with...and it's on you. You don't snuggle as much as you used to, but when you are upset, you let me hold you, and comfort you and sometimes Mommy is the only one who you want. I know you'll eventually become Daddys little man, so for now I will enjoy in all the sloppy kisses, the hugs, and the raspberries you give me.

Lindsay, thank you for being a wonderful sister, and a terrific Auntie. Many people haven't been in your shoes, they wouldn't understand how hard this has all been, and I wanted to say I love you, and thank you for being so good to Clark even though it wasn't easy seeing him hit milestones that we missed with Jackson.

Love you both so so much!

For the love of Amazon!

Ah, everyone does it from time to time, I'm talking about online shopping. It's gotten bigger over the years, and I completely understand why. Up until Boogs showed up, I loved going to the mall, spending hours picking through clothes, buying stuff, just generally losing myself in shopping.

Then the love affair ended. It ended before Boogs got here, but it started in steps. First, I hated going to the mall, and stuck to the stores that had locations outside of the mall, then I stopped loving those as well. After he showed up, I started going to the mall again, but I realized...A screaming child + lack of sleep + no real reason to be out in public = no need to be at the mall.
I still love places like Target, they are my one stop shop if I need it, plus there are a lot less teenagers hanging out there, but the malls? I try to avoid them. The other day Andy and I went to the apple store to fix his computer, and that may have been the first time I'd been since the beggining of January. I didn't really miss it, Andy asked if I wanted to go into any stores, we went into Macys to find a belt, but since they only make them for petite people, I gave up (and went to Target). Today, after buying something on Amazon, I realized "Crap, this is just to easy, and it's fantastic". I might have to wait a few days for my shipment, but then when I get it, it's like opening a gift.
A gift from me, to me, and even though I know what it is, I will act surprised.

I just love getting stuff from them, lately it's been sewing books, sewing items, and baby gear.
I LOVE IT.
Andy and I are already in talks about signing up for Amazon Prime so we always get free shipping. We are kindred spirits that way, because he too loves Amazon.
So, to all the Amazon, Etsy, Groupon, and everyother online-only shops out there, I love you and everything you have done for our lives. (I also still love you stores that exist in Brick and Mortar, but have online shopping).

Feb 28th, 2010

I didn't need to think of a clever name for this post, it is what it is. The date is forever going to hold bad memories for me, and those memories are being scared that I was going to lose my nephew, and then those fears coming true.
As I've stated in many previous posts, when Lindsay told me Jackson was in the hospital, I was scared, nervous, and I was also crying inside (because whenever I would start to tear up, my hubby would stop me, and tell me everything was going to be ok....well it wasn't).
The trip to Kingston was awful, and the one thing I've never mentioned, but sticks in my memory is a song that came up on my Ipod. I was trying to keep my spirits up by listening to music, when the song "Wires" by Athlete popped up. I tried to listen, but I couldn't, I knew that song was going to break me, and I turned it off as the tears came into my eyes.

In the Song "Wires" The singer is telling the story of running through the corridors of the hospital, to his baby, needing to make sure they will be alright. He sees them in the hospital with wires attached all over their body, but when he looks into their eyes, he knew they were going to be ok.
I only wish the ending of that song had held true in Jacksons life. I wish I could have seen it in his eyes that he would be alright...I never got to, he didn't make it, and by the time we got to the hospital he was gone. I had only held him a week before, so happy and full of life, and now he was gone.
I still haven't listened to that song since then.

I am going to release balloons after Boogs wakes up from his nap. He may not have known Jackson while he was on earth, but I know there is a connection deep down with them. He sees his pictures in the house, and points to them once in a while. He may not fully understand who that other baby is, but one day, he will.

There isn't much more to say, I'm still angry, and sad, even though we have some answers as to why he died, it doesn't make me feel better.


I just want my nephew back.

friggin eh!

So, I know I'm not the first of my friends (as many of them have reached out, and shared their experience), but last night my car was broken into, and I just have to vent how I am feeling.
Firstly, I am angry, it's an Invasion of Privacy, and I was so upset/mad/frustrated by the whole thing.
Secondly, I felt like an idiot. I kept telling myself "Don't forget to take the GPS out of the car", but I didn't, the worst part was, we had 2 of them, and BOTH of them were in the car, and then stolen.
I was so angry last night I wanted to kill whoever stole them. Not, hurt or maim, but don't right beat them to death. That's how angry I was, why were they so greedy that they couldn't just take one GPS, they took both? They left my husbands ancient Ipod, but they took all the cords that were in the car.
I was also a bit irked at the fact that I am always trying to hide those cords, so when people look in the car they won't see them, Unfortunately my husband doesn't see it the way I do, so they were out in the open, just screaming "Hey, we have expensive shit in this car, STEAL IT!". But no, it isn't his fault, it could have happened regardless.
There were 3 other cars in the lot that were broken into at the same time, so we weren't alone in feeling violated.
They went through the glove box (did you find what you wanted in there douchebags?), they went through the consoles (I think you took some burned CDs as well as the GPS units, WAY TO GO) and you took all the charging cords (but hey, thanks for leaving the plug so we don't have to replace that). They left the garage door opener (good show guys, we have better stuff at the house, but now you won't get to steal it), and thankfully they didn't steal any of the insurance which had our address on it (because if you did, and then didn't steal the door opener, well, how are you going to get into our place)? We always double bolt our doors, but after the incidents at the neighbours, I still don't feel safe....maybe they wrote our address down? I really don't know :(.
If they use the GPS to track our house, well they are going to end up at our old apartment, which is in East Dallas....which is a shithole....lets hope they don't get mugged while trying to break into that place!
If they use the directions to our new place, so loving labled "APT", well, they still have to trudge through the whole complex, because there is no apartment number in the GPS itself.
Either way, I am still nervous, that maybe...just maybe they memorized where we live. If they didn't, then frankly, I don't care, they got what they wanted, and they didn't steal the most important thing in that car.

The Car Seat.

So, dear thieves....enjoy your life, which is probably a really sad existence. You are probably some useless thug, who would rather steal from hard working people than go out and get a job.
When you do get caught (because people like you will, you have a very low education level, you aren't that clever or smart, you just got lucky). I hope that you can hold your head up high, and be proud that you stole some meaningless technology that will be outdated in the next few years.

So.....

I have been neglecting both of my blogs lately, and I thought I might as well post something on here to pass the time while my hubby plays an F1 racing game (I spent the day playing Epic Mickey so I am just as guilty).

I should say that, this month has been pretty crazy, since Christmas, Clark has taken his first steps, and since then, you can't keep him down. He will still Crawl from time to time if he thinks it will get him to where he needs to be a little bit quicker, but he is now up and mobile. He seems to be following the same time-lines I had as a baby (I walked at nine months). He also seems to have gotten past his "making strange" phase, but that won't be for sure until I go home to visit and see if he gets angry when I run upstairs to get something.
Speaking of stairs, Boogs is also up those a lot as well, he doesn't understand how to go down, and I am trying to teach him, but I don't really know how to teach a baby such things.
Brushing his teeth is also something I am not sure how to do. He gets angry and throws his head around, it's never really clear if I have brushed them or not. Thankfully though, because of the brushing, I was able to notice that he has not just 1, but 2 teeth coming in at the same time. Suddenly all those nights where he woke me up angry, and refusing to go back to bed make sense.
We've had a few nights where we simply let him cry it out because nothing else we did was working, and so far *fingers crossed* he seems to understand that, when Mommy or Daddy lay him down in bed, if he sits up and starts to play, we are not coming back in to play.

The only other thing I have to update is that I am making a resolution to sew more this year, I'm not going to bother with the whole "lose weight" crap. I am just going to stick with eating better, drinking more water, and when the weather is nice, I will take Boogs outside to play, I have a wedding that I am going to be in, in March, but I am not going to stress out about losing weight to fit in the dress. I will however make sure that I don't have to get the dress "let out".

Alright, that about wraps it up, I have nothing clever to say at the moment, so I am going to enjoy the few hours of quiet we have between Boogs going to bed, and then us doing the same.