Friday, July 30, 2010

sloppy wet kisses and teething time

So my sugar booger has come to an interesting stage in his baby-hood, he is starting to cut teeth. We've been saying for about 2 months that all his excessive drool must mean he's getting teeth, but we never saw any. Today when he was in the tub, I put my finger in his mouth to pry it open, and I saw a little white fleck in his mouth, when he chomped down on the finger I was for sure feeling the beginnings of a tooth.
I made up a little song about his upcoming tooth and sang it to him, he cried. I don't think he liked the song, or my singing of it, but I was too excited that he was getting his first tooth. Now I finally understand why he has been waking up at 2am, or 5am, crying, eating a little and going back to sleep. I put a wet cloth in the fridge for him, so tomorrow if he starts fussing I will hand it over and see if it does the trick for him.
Another thing he has been doing is grabbing my cheek (or daddies cheek) and putting his mouth over it. I have interpreted this as him giving us big drooley kisses and I love it. Some people might not see these as kisses but rather as him searching for food, but he does this before and after feedings, so I would like to think in my own little head that he is giving back the kisses we always give him.
I figure I might as well get in all the baby kisses I can now before he is old enough to say "mom can you go stand over there so my friends don't see you".

Thursday, July 29, 2010


It seems like being stuck at home all day, I don't have much to talk about, and can't do much with Andy being in the house.
He has been working at an office for the last 3 days and it's been kinda nice, his sister came to visit, so I've gotten out of the house, and then today after she left I was able to put Sugar Booger down for a nap (in the chair of course) which left me time to work out! I never get to work out during the day, and I must say, it is much more convenient if he's napping, with no threat of waking up and having to be rocked back to sleep (because I can distract him for a bit in a chair while I finish my stuff).
When Andy is home I'm usually confined to the 2 upstairs rooms while he's on a conference call, and let me say, it sucks.
He says "well you can go out, to *the mall* or *target* or *something else*" but after a while that loses it's lustre as well. Besides that we are trying to save money so we actually can buy stuff we will need (diapers, baby clothes etc). I need to look into mommy groups to go to during the day, or something fun, but sometimes I just want to sit at home and maybe watch tv, or take a nap in a chair that I find comfy. Really hard to do when your hubby is working less that 5 feet away from you.
Another Finally I've been able to do is - have a no holds barred conversation about Jackson.
When I'm at parties and Andy isn't near by, some of the girls will ask me how my sister is doing, and they will ask me about Jackson. His sister was the same way, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted, when I want to talk about him I could, and I could talk about how much I miss him, I can tell that Andy gets uncomfortable when I get emotional and he just wants to stop the crying and make me feel better.
Sometimes, it's something I need to talk about. I can't talk about once and then say "ok, i'm done, I don't need to talk about him anymore". It's an ongoing thing, and even though he was only with us for 4 short months, and the stories are always going to be the same, I like to think about him, even when it makes me sad. I keep his memory alive by keeping his pictures on the fireplace so I can see his sweet little face everyday. I know he's not with us anymore, but I need to see that face to reassure me that "yes, he was here once, left a footprint and took a piece of his Auntie Lisas' heart when he left". I don't want people to think I'm obsessively thinking about him 24/7, but because I don't have a spouse who wants to talk about it from time to time, it all comes out on my blog. When I can talk about him to friend it comes as a relief because I have my say, share memories and then I can continue on without feeling repressed.

Sorry for my mini rant, but sometimes it all gets a little jumbled around here, and when I have a free moment I feel like I have to write it all down before it becomes verbal diarrhea or a passive aggressive rant that gets directed at the wrong person.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Nap Time

I'm currently trying to break Clark of the bad habit that he and I have of taking naps together, I just got so used to laying back in the Lazy Boy with him, it became our "thing".
Now I'm realizing with my husband working from home, in the living room, and the phone constantly ringing, that we don't always have that luxury of mommy and Clark naps.
Now I'm listening to him scream, and I mean SCREAM his head off in the other room as I'm trying to get him to nap in his crib.
Don't get me wrong, he is a great sleeper at night on his own, we can lay him down at 8pm at he will sleep until almost 7am, but the second I lay him down for a nap, the screams start.
I have got him down a few times for a nap in his crib, if you can call a half hour a nap. Other than that, he won't do it.
I've layed him down in the lazy-boy before, and under my watchful eye, he slept in that thing for 3 hours, but again, Daddy works from home now, so he doesn't seem to stay asleep there either anymore.
I feel bad that the neighbours might be hearing these screams (but then again, I don't feel THAT bad, after the door kicking incident, plus, they are getting evicted, so I can't feel too sorry for them).
I don't have a hard time hearing the cries at first, but then it starts to chip away at my heart and I rush to go get him.
I just wonder, will he ever take a nap?
I suppose on child #2 I will be a lot more willing to lay them down come nap time, because I am now seeing the problems it has caused for both Clark and I.
I know this is every mothers least favourite activity, the good old "cry it out" method. I just wonder how many of them stay strong enough to not rush right into the room?

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Clark is 4 months!

It happened on July 7th, just like any normal day, I woke up and boom, he was 4 months old!
There was no spectacular fireworks show for him, but it still meant a lot to me.
The past week I'd been terrified, and slept in Clarks room, our neighbour had their door kicked in, and I was frightened to leave him.
I now know that the neighbours are being evicted, and that the door kicking was possibly "domestic", it helped me sleep a bit better at night, but I would still like an alarm system.
Now my silly little monkey moves around so much at night that I lay him one way in the crib and in the morning he is always turned the other way, he has even gotten into the habit of kicking his legs at night and turning on his crib mobile (or whatever it is that makes lights and sounds). It makes me laugh everytime he does it, and sometimes if he's fussing it helps put him back to sleep, so congratulations bud, you just self soothed yourself ;).
He chews on his giraffe like it's going out of style and he is borderline giggling, I can't wait for the giggle show to start, that will be awesome.

But, if I'm going to be honest here, I will say this, when Clark turned 4 months, my thoughts were "Jackson never got to make it to 4 months" and "Jackson would be 8 months old now".
So I guess that's where I'm at, there is nothing wrong with being joyful about Clark turning 4 months, and there is nothing wrong with mourning the loss of Jackson who isn't with us anymore.

Thursday, July 1, 2010


I'm sitting here, it's Canada Day, and I'm in Texas. I guess I never knew how upset it would make me to not be there. I called my Mom to wish her a happy Canada Day, and when she told me she was drinking Tim Hortons, I almost cried.
I'm not sure what set it off, but I am really, truly homesick. I hope this feeling passes, because I don't want to get more upset as the days go by.
Like when I went to get groceries today, my husband asked me to go get lunch meat, and when I went to get some from the deli counter, I walked past it and picked up some pre-packaged ham. Why you ask? Because I don't understand their conversion system and I didn't want to order too much meat.
I left my GPS system in Kilometres as well. I never had a good grasp on the metric system, but I can understand when it tells me how many metres I have left vs. saying 3/4 of a mile.
I don't understand temperature, so when someone says " it's 100 F outside" all I know is "it's hot".
It goes the other way too, I told the doctors that Clarks temperature was 37 C, and they looked at me like I had 7 heads.
Seriously, I thought the someone of a medical profession might actually know, but I guess not. Now I use the ear thermometer on Clark, if it makes a happy face I know his temp is good, if it makes a sad face, then I know it's bad.
Oh Lord help me understand their strange measurements!
So, it looks like it's a Canada Day spent in a country other than Canada, I believe this is a first for me (well maybe a second, I think we were in England one year). Andy is promising to make me a Hamburger and fries, because's summer in Canada, that's what outdoor cooking is alllllll about :).