Wednesday, May 19, 2010


There have been few times that I have been so terrified in my life that I have screamed and panicked.
The first time was when I heard that Jackson had passed away, that was terrifying, horrifying, and destroyed me.
The second time happened this past sunday. I had attended my friends bachelorette party the night before and we got the guys to watch the babies. The next morning we were all at breakfast and my hubby said he wasn't feeling well and wanted to go back to the room. We went back, requested a late checkout and he napped for about an hour. When he woke back up he said he was feeling fine, so we started packing up getting ready to go. I had just finished calling my friend to tell her we wouldn't be visiting as my shoulder was bugging me, and Andy didn't feel up to it either. Almost immediately after hanging up with her I turned and was talking to Andy when I noticed something different. He had the strangest expression on his face, his eyes were darting around the ceiling and he almost seemed to be turning in circles. I called his named twice and when he didn't respond It hit me "oh shit he is having a seizure". My first instinct was to get the baby out of his arms. I did that and placed the baby on the bed, I was too late to get back to Andy to try and break his fall and he hit his head on the corner of the wall.
His last seizure was May 2009 on our wedding day, I hadn't seen what happens to him, I'd only seen the after math when he was in the hospital, let me just say, that I now that I've seen what happens, I'm always going to be on my toes.
It was scary, I was screaming and crying, because when Andy hit the floor, he bit his tongue and turned blue. The blood came out of his mouth and I couldn't feel a pulse and all these thoughts started running through my mind.
"I can't lose you, I've already lost my nephew Jackson, I can't lose you too". "You can't leave me, we have our whole lives together and I don't want Clark to be without his daddy". The bell hop had been called to come get our bags and I heard him knock on the door, all I could say when I answered was "call 911, my husband had a seizure, help help!" The poor room maid had also come in and she was screaming and hysterical like me. From that point on, I remember doing CPR and he started breating again, and eventually the EMS people showed up. They said that it was normal for them to look like they weren't breathing, but when in doubt, do CPR.
They took Andy to the hospital and we waited for about 4 hours before they released him, I told him how much it scared me, and how it brought me back to February and what happened to Jackson.
So now, I'm constantly on him, telling him to sleep, and watching his facial expression, constantly asking if he's ok. I worry about leaving him alone with the baby. It's not that I don't trust him, but I am constantly worried about the safety of both of them.

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