Thursday, June 3, 2010

Made it to dallas

I've been in Dallas now for almost 2 weeks, it seems so crazy to be so far away from my family, it hurts a lot, because I miss them all so much.
I met up with my oldest sister this past weekend in Austin and it was great to see her, I like being around my family because it keeps me grounded. There have been lots of phone calls to my mom, lots of chatting to her, and letting her talk to Clark on the phone (which he does respond to with Cooing and happy faces).

There is one person I have not been able to talk to on the phone and it makes me sad. I called my sister the other day, but she was out, and seeing as it's long distance for her I don't want it to cost her a fortune to call me, plus I know how tired she has been and I don't want to call her too late. I regularily check her blog, and let her know I think of her often.

Lately I've been sad as well, thinking of Jackson, as I always do think about him. It still just doesn't feel real, like it never happened, but then I click on her blog, or look at a picture of him, and I realize "he's gone". I've watched his videos a few times, but I can never get past the opening and hearing the words "every little thing is gonna be alright". Sometimes I have to skip right to the end just to hear him cooing and baby talking to Lindsay, most of the time it's all I can handle.
Today my mind wandered off and I thought about the last time I held him, and I had to stop thinking about it because I was driving alone in the car and about to burst into tears.
I think the transition of moving away from my family has just made this all so much harder.

I know I will eventually settle into a routine and get used to driving in this city, and not being in my comfort of Canada. I know this will start to get easier over time (in the mindset of living in the US, not in the sense of Jacksons' death) but for now, I have my ups and downs, I just need to hear from someone soon....because I miss her.

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