This past June 19th one of my good friends got married, it was so exciting to be there, and I was in the wedding party, which was quite an honour, because you don't just add people to the wedding party "for fun".
She looked beautiful, and I was so teary eyed as she walked down the aisle, seeing her hubby tear up you just knew that they are "that couple". That couple that you would also like to be, so in love after 7 years together, and they have a beautiful son together and you just know that, in 50 years time, they will be celebrating their anniversary.
Like everyday though, I wake up, and take pleasure in my smiling son, all the while in the back of my mind is Jackson. I'm always good at keeping my emotions in tact and try to keep myself from crying while in public, but my friends wedding day was the exception. Emotions are already on high on a day like this, after they finished her hair, she looked beautiful and I was so excited for her. I had sat down in the chair to get my hair done and listening to the radio, I thought to myself "please don't play any songs that will remind me of Jackson". Little did I know, that radio station would do just that.
I was sitting there when I heard "I will remember you.............will you remember me............don't let your life pass you by, weep not for the memories" I kept my cool for about 3 seconds when the pictures from Jacksons memorial started going through my mind and I started tearing up. Alas, the hair dresser asked if I was ok, and I started crying. How do I explain to a complete stranger that my nephew died and I miss him.
they turned the radio off for me until the song was over, but I just wished that song hadn't even been played. I felt terrible, I felt bad for crying and drawing attention to myself.
I felt bad for crying on my friends wedding day, but mostly, I felt bad because I cried and I know that Jackson isn't with us anymore and becomes a little more real and a lot more sad as the days go by.
Feb 28 2010 is a date that is forever in my mind, and never as a happy memory, I just wish I could be warned when I might have "an episode", that way I could stay indoors and cry without the worry concering random people.