loss of a fur baby

There is nothing worse than the feeling of getting a message from my mom saying "My cell phone is dead, but I need you to call me asap". I just instantly get the feeling that it's going to be bad news, and the way it's been going, I am fearful that it's death.
*Now let me make this clear, nothing will ever, EVER be more painful than losing a human family member, especially when it's a baby, because babies are the future. You know that someday your older family members will pass away before you, you just hope to god that you never lose a child.*

So, I called my mother, and I just didn't know what to expect, and she tells me that Bossy got outside, and I was worried that she was either A)hit by a car, or B)eaten by a coyote (because they have come into the area recently).
She began to tell me that my dad just feels absolutely sick about what happened. Lately I'd been letting bossy outside to help alleviate the tention between her and the other cats in the house.
She had escaped that day, and they brought her in, but somehow she got outside again.
This is the painful part, she was hiding underneath my dads tire, and he didn't know it.
He must have been moving the car for my mom so she could move her car and that's when he saw her.
I'm not mad at my father in any way, because I know he loved her, and he feels terribly about what happened.
I'm slightly bitter about the fact that I didn't get to say goodbye, or the fact that I didn't get to bring her to Dallas when I wanted to. I feel like my husband doesn't understand why I'm so upset. Before I had convinced him that she should come to Dallas he said he either wanted to give her away or have her put down, so it almost feels like he got his wish....she isn't coming to Dallas....in fur form :(.
My mom said she would have the cat cremated, I'm not sure what I am going to with her ashes, but I will keep my promise to her, she will come to Dallas with me.

So Bossy boots, my lovely kitten, I'm sorry I wasn't there with you, I'm sorry you weren't here with me, and I wish I'd given you an extra snuggle the last time I saw you.
The thing about the last time you see someone is, if you realized it was the last time you saw them, you would have done things much differently.

I love you Bossy, take care of baby Jackson, you are his angel kitten now, and he is your angel owner.