Wednesday, June 30, 2010

signs signs, everywhere are signs....

I don't normally believe in "getting signs" from people beyond the grave, but then I read somewhere that whenever you have a dream about someone who has passed on, they are trying to tell you that they are ok.
I do have them from time to time. When my grandpa Jackson passed away, i had a dream about him shortly after, he was still alive in my dream, but we were at the funeral home. I remember the way he blinked, and his hands, and the way he talked. I woke up sad, remembering that he was gone. When I look back, I was so young, maybe I didn't understand, he was trying to tell me he was ok, and I shouldn't be sad.
Later on in life, my grandma Jackson passed away, and we lost our cat Buddy. They also came to me in dreams, together. My grandma always used to come over for Christmas to open gifts, and Buddy would stroll over to her, and she would say to him "what a good pussy cat". I remembered her voice saying that so often after she died. It was no surprise they came to me in a dream together, she is probably watching over Bossy now too. By this age, I had come to know that visits from people in my dreams meant that they were there to tell me they were ok. I don't know if there was ever any other messages I didn't pick up on, but I knew that meant they were watching over me.

After Jackson died, I had a nightmare, it was supposed to be a dream, but to me it was a nightmare. Jackson was still alive, but in my dream, I couldn't comprehend it, as I knew in real life he has passed away. I woke up upset and angry. Who would send me a dream like that? It's a horrible trick to think that he was still with us when he was not.
A few weeks ago, I had another dream. This one might have been my "sign" that everything was ok. In the dream, I was holding Clark, and I heard the song "Three Little birds" by Bob Marley playing. That was the song Lindsay used to sing to Jackson for his lullabyes. In my dream, I was looking for Jackson, but he wasn't there, and I knew he was gone, but I looked at Clark and said "do you hear that, it's Jacksons song, he's playing it for us". Anyone that has heard that song knows it's an uplifting song, so maybe this was his way of telling me "I'm ok Auntie Lisa".
I was unpacking dishes at my new apartment the other day, and as my mind often wanders, it went to thoughts about Jackson. I got to the dishes that Andy had wrapped up with pieces from the telephone book (imagine that....), I just threw them papers to the side, thinking nothing of them, then I decided to look at one of the pages, just to see the names on them....lo and big bold letters JACKSON. He must have known I was missing him, because, out of all the names on all of the papers in that box, I pulled out his.
I wish I could thank him for all the happiness he had brought my family in the short 4 months he was with our family, but I guess I can just be thankful for the signs that he sends me when I am missing him the most.

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